- This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 months, 1 week ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Anyone else just wonder if this is all on them? I have to look to myself surely? Bad past and now a husband who is just mean at times. Things have gotten weird sith my husband he knows i see and he has gone weird, as Ive said b4 and my head is a real mess i dont know anything anymore. Now i am doubting if i shouldve ever opened up. The one person I did years ago open up to now seems to be as n word as my husband. One day this man this professional seems to pick me up support me the next day we laugh we smile i remember how good life can be then another day he tells me how i should take a look at myself how im this and that not nice things either he seems to pick me up then drop me hard, always nagging me to be better do better. This is from a professional. My counsellor says she is worried this person is showing signs of manipulation but surely not? surely not another man in my life ive come to trust?
Is it me? Am I the n word? Am i to blame because this keeps happening to me. Im done im so so fed up i dont know where to turn who to believe who to trust. Im so sick of being me never being happy never liking myself I just want to be a good liked kind person why is it so hard? I dont want to complain I really dont I wish Just once I could write positive things but it just never seems to be that way no matter how hatd I try how much I read I learn I just cant get my head on right as theres always something. Xxxx -
Hi nbumblebee please be assured that this is not your fault sometimes I find in life people take advantage of people like us who r kind and can be vulnerable at times. I get where u think sometimes u need to take blame. I feel bad for reaching out sometimes as it was easier to brush things under the carpet before but the more I have learned about abuse the more I can’t and I know that the situation is the same for you. I hope u r better today xx
-
-
Are you to blame? Nope. 100% no.
I’d put money on you being a lovely, caring, strong person who at some point in life has been hurt and doesn’t want others to feel the same. Good thing right? In the main yes, BUT it means our tolerance levels are lower because we accept less from others, we try to see the good in everyone and our boundaries are shot. We learnt not to rely on others so figure things out ourselves making us highly independent/strong characters who won’t hold others to account because ‘we’ll just do it’.
Cue toxic people who see those qualities and realise they’ve hit the jackpot. Where most people would say ‘let’s share the load’ or ‘on yer bike’, we say ‘it’s ok, don’t worry’ and absorb any upset internally. That doesn’t make you at fault, it makes you a lovely person who sadly these people take advantage of. We stay in situations – relationships, friendships, jobs etc longer than we should because we don’t want to be a burden, cause a scene or don’t want to accept there’s no fix.
I’ve often wondered about your PT and I hope he’s not, but sadly wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t a healthy choice. Ask yourself, really ask yourself why do you stay if you’re unhappy (I don’t mean the practical side) but inside your head and heart, are you staying in these situations because you want to & they make you happy or because you feel you should. You 100% deserve to be loved, to be accepted and to be happy – and I don’t have the magic answer but I know, 1000% you’re not the n word xx
-
-
“we try to see the good in everyone and our boundaries are shot. We learnt not to rely on others so figure things out ourselves making us highly independent/strong characters who won’t hold others to account because ‘we’ll just do it’.”
^^^ this so much. Because I’ve also questioned myself… “Am I the Problem?” Nah, I think its much more complicated than that as BB articulated so well.
-
-
I was amazed when I first came on to this site that I had found a place where other people were living lives like mine and that I finally could start to believe that it wasn’t me. I had so many years of being told that I was the problem and believing it. But I knew deep down it wasn’t right but I couldn’t make sense of it because it had to me. Then my eyes started to open and I realised that it isn’t me. Its these partners we have that, for some reason, feel better by treating us so badly.
What is worrying is how many are out there. And looking back I can see that some of my early friendships were also with people who took advantage of my good nature and ‘bullied’ me into doing whatever they wanted. That wasn’t right. I vowed that it wouldn’t happen again and it did.
Like the others have said, these people seem to seek us out and tap into our willingness to do good and put others above ourselves. We find it hard to enforce boundaries. I was lucky that towards the end I had a couple of work colleagues who really believed in me and gave me the confidence in myself to really believe that it wasn’t me!!!
And then people on here gave me the strength to know that I could get out and survive. We all know you can too. When the time is right.
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
