Is it normal to miss him?

[Sand-piper]

I am (timeframe removed by Moderator) free from my ex, he has recently repeated his offending with his new partner. This has led me to stop contact with my children, for their safety (I genuinely thought he had changed)

This has strangely affected me in a way I never thought it would, it’s made me miss him, made me want to help him. Is this normal? I feel like my feelings are ridiculous?
Sometimes I wonder if because the abuse and that life is all I knew for so long, I miss the ‘comfort’ of it? I hope that makes sense? I feel like this is so contradicting as of course there is no comfort in abuse, but that was my ‘norm’ I really hope this makes sense

[EvenSerpentsShine]

I wonder if there is an element in abuse where you could say “they really can’t help it”. That’s not to say it’s excusable in any way but just to confirm that change is almost impossible for them.

Those who become their victims have to see that and fight to understand that WE can never change them. Once we get that, we have a chance of escaping. We haven’t got the luxury of any more pity, as that is the leg-hold trap.

With a bit of distance, maybe we do have the luxury of pity, when someone else is the punching bag, not us. And just maybe there’s a rush of affection for someone who just can’t help themselves? Combined with nostalgia for the good side of these relationships, which, let’s be honest, is, or was, really good.

I don’t know whether there’s something there, what did you feel was at the root of your feelings?

[Author]

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