Is it ok to miss him?

[buttons123]

I finally left my abusive ex and I’ll our daughter with me. We are just in the process of sorting out the childcare arrangements for her so that he can carry on seeing her but I’m finding myself waiting for his messages and checking my phone to see if he’s called. We used to do everything together and I know that getting out was the right thing to do both for the safety of myself and my daughter but I miss him so much and I hate the way I’m feeling right now. I just don’t feel like it’s ever going to get any better and I’m always going to love him and miss him despite everything he has done.

[KIP.]

You can love him from afar but know that loving him won’t prevent further abuse. As human beings we crave what is normal to us, even if that normal is abusive behaviour and abusers make themselves the centre of our world so that leaves a void. What you miss is the nice times, of which I’m sure there were many or you wouldn’t have stayed. But those times were just an act for him, the real him is a selfish abuser and he won’t change. Things will definitely get better with time, contact Womens aid and keep your child safe. It’s child abuse when a man abuses the mother of his child, it’s not someone you want influencing your child so be very careful.

[Lisa]

Hi buttons123,

It’s completely normal to have these feelings of missing the man man you left and having a sense that you will never ‘move on’. But as KIP expressed, you have done the right thing in ending the cycle of abuse, which would of never ended as long as you were with him.
It may be useful for you to speak in more detail about how you feel with your local domestic abuse service. They can offer both emotional and practical help too. They are also free, so use them on-going as you need. They can help you address any concerns you have with child contact, as you may find he uses the contact as a means of continuing his abuse.
Rights of Women are a voluntary organisation offering free, confidential legal advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact issues. Their Family law advice line can advise around domestic abuse; divorce, finances, cohabitation and property in relationship breakdown; parental responsibility and child arrangements.
The National Association of Contact Centres offers advice on child contact centres. They are available on 0115 948 4557 or contact@naccc.org.uk (Mon-Fri 9am-1pm). Their website has a search function to find local centres: http://www.naccc.org.uk
The Coram Children’s Legal Centre provide free legal resources with advice and information on all aspects of family, child and education law, including relationship breakdown; parental disputes, duties of children’s services; child protection.
Family Lives provide support to parents under stress, can make local referrals, and have a forum for parents. They are contactable on 0808 800 2222 (Mon-Fri, 9am-9 pm, and 10am-3pm Sat & Sun); they also have a live chat (Mon-Fri 1.30-9pm) available through the website: http://www.familylives.org.uk
So know it’s OK to feel the way you feel, but try and keep focused and prioritise what is best for you and you child. Keep posting for on-gong support. The women here will relate very much to what you are going through.
All the best,

Lisa

[peachycuteness1]

Its completely normal to feel this way, its been a while since I left my partner and took our son with me. I still miss him, but I know he is no good for me. I feel confused because I feel as if I hate him for everything he done but yet im still missing him…its a rollercoaster of emotions…Things will bet better x

[Author]

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