Is this abuse

[Jamtomorrow]

I have just left my partner and I think I was abused but it’s hard to know when you’re in the middle of it.

He has arranged to go away travelling for (timeframe removed by Moderator) months. I am working away during the week so we needed to find a housesitter. He has been very unpleasant and difficult about this.  I had arranged to work a day from home so I could come home at weekends.  He started looking at getting a housesitter for (timeframe removed by Moderator) months and told me that I wouldn’t be able to come home during that time. I was very upset and begged him not to do this.  Then we found someone local and I delayed the start of my job so that I could look after the house for (timeframe removed by Moderator) months and the housesitter would cover (timeframe removed by Moderator).  Then he changed everything again and insisted that the housesitter had to come immediately because we might lose her. He also seemed not to trust me to look after the house and said there were things I did not know.  I am a mature woman with a (timeframe removed by Moderator) year professional career! I have had to move around a lot in my life and I find it stressful and triggering.  I tried to explain how upsetting it is to be forced out of my home for (timeframe removed by Moderator) months or be told that I have to share it with a stranger.  He told me that I’m mentally ill. I have been struggling with anxiety.

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Don’t think it makes you mentally ill  to be upset and stressed about having to move out of your home.

I’m sure I’ve seen it written somewhere a list of the most stressful things, and along with divorce, moving house is at the top of the list.
Im guessing it’s his house based on how he’s behaving. In which case it’s pretty nasty what he’s doing, basically saying I trust a complete stranger over you to look after my house while I’m away.
There’s a nasty little habit a lot of abusers have. Prioritizing complete strangers over us.
If you want an outsider’s opinion, I agree with you, you’re better off out of it.

[Jamtomorrow]

Thank you.  Constantly being ignored is  really exhausting, as you say.  I didn’t know that it’s something abusers do.  I feel mentally ill from the stress.

[EvenSerpentsShine]

In my experience it’s the case. Prioritizing strangers or acquaintances over you.

It sends 2 great (for them) messages.

One is “look what a great person I am, I’m so normal and decent and considerate”

The second is more subliminal. Look at how unimportant YOU are.

The truth is, as so often, the exact opposite.

If you can’t be decent to your nearest and dearest, but can manage to be nice to everyone else, (detail removed by Moderator)

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