Is this abuse, or is this my mental health?

[wildflower13]

I have been in a relationship for a few years with this man, who I believe loved me differently, or so I’ve been convinced.
He has committed infidelity but as we have children together, I was convinced by him that leaving him, would detrimentally affect them. I have a long term mental health condition that is often used against me.
I cannot express my feelings of his negative behaviour towards me, as this isn’t acknowledged, more so turned around on my mental health. I’m not allowed to contact my family whilst he is in our family home, he doesn’t allow me to make contact with friends whilst he is home, I am not allowed to be on my phone in the evening or leave the upstairs after (time removed by Moderator). He constantly insults my mental health, mocks everything about me. Doesn’t help with our children but then throws an adult tantrum and becomes very cold and distance, making the environment very uncomfortable if I refuse to be intimate in the evening or during the day when all our children are awake and around the house.
he uses finances to control me and uses the childcare of our children to control me so I am unable to work.
If I threaten to leave, he says that he will do everything possible to ensure I lose my job, he will neglect our children so I am unable to have time to myself. I feel trapped. I feel like I’m staying in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship for the sake of my children and so I can work.
I don’t know what else to do. Some days I wish I wasn’t here so I didn’t have to wake up to the same treatment everyday, but my children are my safety mechanism.

[InShock]

So sorry to hear this. Abusers do often target mental health as a way to distract from them being responsible for their behaviour, whether you had any condition prior to meeting them or not.

Children pick up on things and witnessing abuse also makes them victims. Maybe reach out to local services like your local women’s aid to ask for advice and help if you’re struggling to leave

try to document/gather evidence of the abuse

[Author]

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