It doesn’t stop there does it?

[Chocolatebunnie]

I’m sure you all experience this.

It’s a new day, should be a happy thought but what has happened at the weekend has stuck with me.

hes ok, off he goes tells me to have a good day or whatever, being as nice as he can be.

ive just sat here and cried, its not left me.

The way he spoke to me, the anger, the resentment and the belittling.  The implying I’m overreacting. The walking out and playing the victim.

The staying out overnight, I actually was pleased, but the disrespect was upsetting and I had to trust where he was, I still don’t know for sure and in the past this was hard, had he cheated? I don’t care anymore but I do care I put up with this.

The fact he will happily put our kids at risk over his weed.

There is no sorry, I’m sure he still believes I’m in the wrong.

And yet again, left with the painful thoughts of all of this, then bs tracking over the past, trying to make sense, convincing myself I’m not wrong that he’s wrong. And past hurts rears itself again and then I start thinking of life without him and the cycle carries on again.

i wish I was stronger, I wish he was different and I wish this wasn’t my life it shouldn’t be this was at my age.

[Chocolatebunnie]

Honestly I thought life was better, feeling like I just want to give up. I won’t that’s not happening but feel very very low.

Nobody to talk to and just had my eldest tell me how c**p I am and how untidy the house is (yep school holidays/physical and mental health/caring for them/4 kids 2 with additional needs) it is bad.

My child is using swear words I said not to use and they explained that they can express themselves however they want to.  To then tell me I don’t get along with my other child, infact anyone at all after everything this weekend I just can’t understand why I deserve this too.  All I ever wanted was a happy family, I have so much love in my heart, just why? 💔💔💔💔

[Chocolatebunnie]

Still hurting very much

just asked him where he was all night and it wasn’t who I thought he was with

I’m hurt he didn’t have the decency to tell me where he was amongst everything else.  I only found out because I asked.

still for him it’s no big deal he doesn’t care he’s hurt me, I’m only just feeling how much he has hurt me now.

i think his laid back reaction has added to the upset

[Chocolatebunnie]

I have a choice I can just let it go and everything will be ok

or

i can carry on being hurt and angry that he doesn’t respect me, thinks it’s ok to act as he has

but

either way I loose, still incredibly upset, I want him to understand and I bet if we talk properly he will say he does, say what he should tick the boxes and then something else will happen

 

[Bananaboat]

Those aren’t your only options because like you say either way you lose. That’s not a fair game.

By acting like nothing is wrong or it’s all forgotten (and let’s face it is not, he’ll throw it back at some point) he’s taking away/controlling your choices.

you know our experiences are similar and in it, I just wanted peace and absorbed all this anger & hurt. Now out and getting help I’m learning it’s ok to be upset, it’s ok to not be ok with his choices and it’s ok to have different views & opinions. It’s ok for you to say ‘that day and your behaviour was not ok’ and leave it as that – hell either say ok, sorry (whether he means it is another thing) or he’ll have a tantrum, but you’ll have voiced your view and his reaction is on him. Chin up you’ve got this x*x

[Chocolatebunnie]

You do just push it down all your emotions just to keep the peace,

on a healthy relationship I would be heard, he would be sorry and he wouldn’t do it again. To be honest a healthy relationship this behaviour would not exist.

im having counselling, I paused it but went back today and im glad I did. I’ve enough going on relationship aside and at the very least it’s nice to be heard.

i have talked openly about my marriage but there is no judgement from her and im shocked that she excepts that I’ve chosen to stay with my husband but im guessing she’s being professional.

so when you say it’s ok to be upset, that’s a hard one to except when you’ve been where we have. Therapy is harder for me now more than ever I think because so much is pushed down and excepting help from someone is hard. So is trusting someone.

I was really low but much more grounded now, as always thank you for your support xx

 

 

 

 

[hellokitty]

Hi Chocolatebunnie, so sorry to hear what you are going through. That sounds really tough, especially when it feels like even kids are on perpetrator’s side. You are looking after 4 kids while having an elusive husband…you are doing so so so well. I find my kids be all over my abusive husband when he’s around and sometimes say demeaning things to me, but when his away on business trip or something, they are calm and even say things like “it’s peaceful”. It makes me wonder if that’s their way of survival, to mirror who appears to be in power in their eyes..someone once said to me that “kids know who’s always been there to look after them” and I believe that’s true. Not much of a help, but sending you hugs xx

[nbumblebee]

CB im just catching up Im so sorry I missed all this please know my PM is always open talk to me CB you are not alone.

You know i get everything you are saying i feel it all too.

Im still here and now im stuck as ive been poorly and its going to take me some time to recover so im stuck here things have gone backwards for me but actually weirdly I feel stronger than I did b4. Ive set boundries and as hard as it is im sticking to them. Nope it isnt pleasant at all and i fear once im better his abuse will creep in again but hopefully saying no now and meaning it and being a little more in control of what happens to my body my life just feels a little better. I know he is being on his best behaviour as im am poorly at the hospital he sat by my side worried and maybe this has given him a shock but then again im also not blind anymore maybe its an act. Anyway what im trying to say is you have choices not just stay or leave you have choices its your life too and you are allowed to live it how you wish.

Keeping all of this pushed down is what made me poorly CB and well it could have been so much worse.

It isnt good to hold onto all this im glad you have your counsellor back use her you have to get this out cry scream feel it CB or it will hurt you worse than he does.

For me this was a huge wake up call a scarey one I have got to change somehow we have to do this for ourselves CB. You are so much stronger than you believe you are look at what you deal with. Use that strength to find a way through thats right for you.

Always here for you CB xxxx

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