it it abuse

[icequeen lady]

Hi ill keep this as short as i can.as its a very very long story. I have two kids aged (detail removed by moderator). My partner is abusive.im sure.but why cant i leave.
He had one of his daily abusive episodes towards me again the other day.n ive had enuf.but why cant i leave?? He picked up a chair .big heavy n made of solid wood.. in the kitchen the other day infront of our two small children. My son wudnt finish his tea (detail removed by moderator)..he was full’ i said ok if ur full’my partner said sarcastically under his breath wot kind of a mother of u he shud be finishing his tea’ i had had enuf as this had been building up inside me for months his constant daily putdowns n screaming at me over the most trivial pathetic things e.g crumbs in the butter.. i told him to get out id had enuf i hate u i screamed crying’ what happened next i did not expect . He picked up achair from our table .my childrem where sat with us eating.. he lifted it above his head n geatured it towards me i was absolutly terrified i thought he was gonna hit me with it’ he was so angry his face all screwed up.id seen that face many times before. He screamed i was a b***h . Ge refused to leave. So i just went upstairs away frm him. I waa shakin my heart was pounding. Becoz for the first time he had really scared me.the reason i never left before is bcoz no matter how horrible n nasty n controlling bully he was with streams of insults.he wud always aay u know id neva touch u id neva hit u..and he hasnt.. thats always stopped me leaving.becoz i loved him and i wud think hes right he has never hit me. But he has scares me half to death. Pushed me out of bed onto the floor many tines during arguments.. pushed into me knockin me ova n then said oh sorry..i know he did it on purpose.. ive just had enuf. (detail removed by moderator)yrs n im exausted i way (detail removed by moderator)stone i had shingles n nearly died doctor says caused by stress .. he also dives really fast 90mph on motorway kids in bk of car .he did it other day i asked him to slow dwn as i was so scared.he started goin balastic sayin he hated me n i shud keep my mouth shut aas i do not hav a licesnce. Icant drive due to (detail removed by moderator)..again caused by stress.. he then went even faster i was terrified was over 90mph ne put a hat in front of the speedo n said there warch my speed now . He had covered up the speedo! I was terrified he said the more u tell me jow to drive the faster i go u might learn keep ur mouth shut. This is also a regular occurance .. ive just had enuf. So why cant i leave .coz everytime im on the brink he turns bk into mr nice.n im bk on the hook!! Im mentally phisically emotionally exausted.he also frequently embarsess .e at the shops ..at the till says really loudly ‘oh better get my wallet out!! Or if i put sutton in the trolly he duznt wanna pay for it will erupt into a massive argument wuth him shoutin f**k you at me in the middle of a supermarket n then walkin out n leavin me with trolly fulla food two kids n no way to pay for it!! I cud go in all nite about the vile stuff he does. Comments greatlt recived ladies.he also makes me think im goin mental n im actually starting ti think i am!! He says im nuts

[Lisa]

Hi Icequeenlady,

I just wanted to show you some support. I am sorry to hear about your situation. Your partner sounds very abusive indeed and he is putting your life and your children’s life at risk. I know that it is very hard to leave an abusive relationship for many reasons but sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself about how hideous this situation is for you and your children and have a moment of bravery by phoning the helpline and asking them to find a refuge for you and your children. He is not going to change and it seems that his his violence is escalating as he is realizing that you no longer want to be in this relationship with him. This could mean you and your children are potentially in serious harm so please listen to the voice in your head that is urging you to go and phone the helpline or even the police – or both to get some help to leave the relationship. Please don’t let him know what you are planning. I know that it sounds scary but if you were able to speak to the Police about all his behavior then it would be vital evidence for you later down the line if you do not want him to have contact with your children. His behavior would be considered and the authorities could help to keep him away. You could also just phone the helpline and go to a refuge and once you are safely in the refuge you could phone the Police with the extra support of the Refuge.

We are all here for you Icequeen. Please phone the helpline as soon as it is safe for you to do so and let us know how you get on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[icequeen lady]

Hi lisa thanks so.much for your reply.makes me feel better just knowing someone understands my situation. He also pushes me out of bed onto the floor during arguments. Throws objects at me.eg remote control. I even goes mental about me leaving crumbs in the butter says it discusting!! We now use seperate butters ‘my idea to atop him flipping out! Sounds riduculous i know.this is my house tho not his so im planning to change locks tomorow.cud u get them changed free of charge as im a council tenant?? Any advice appreciated.he has been stayin with me so has a set of keys.

[icequeen lady]

I have tried calling the helpline its ringing out

[Lisa]

Hi Icequeenlady,

I am sorry you are struggling to get hold of the helpline. If it is safe for you to do so then please leave a message stating a safe time for you to be called back. If no then please keep trying and you will get through. You can find your local Women’s Aid here too- https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ Your local Women’s Aid may well also have a helpline which is perhaps not quite as busy as the National number.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Form Moderator

[AppleNinja]

Hello Icequeen,

It sounds absolutely awful what you’re describing.

I haven’t got pushed out of bed yet but I got ‘accidentally’ kicked (literally) in the legs while in bed and also sent out of bed.

Thrown objects at me – yes (a shoe, remote control, a book, a bedside table!)

Ranted about crumbs in butter – yes! That is an ongoing issue…

He hasn’t hit you – YET. He is definitely abusive. He doesn’t even have to hit you, it’s enough that he makes you scared like that.

Please start making some sort of arrangements to leave but like Lisa says, do not tell him anything.

I really feel for you, it sounds very stressful. I know I’ve been under a lot of stress because I have to put up with this behaviour.

Let us know how you’re getting on, ok?
Big hug to you!

Apple ninja

[icequeen lady]

Thanks foe r ur support apple ninja . Means alot that someone understands my situation.the problem is i love him

[Author]

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