It’s D day

[Ariadne]

Hi, everyone

Today is a key date for my abusive relationship. I’ve been struggling for a while, but I know today will be worse because there are expectations linked to the date. We’ve agreed to get back together, but I am still struggling with this decision. We had an argument recently where we almost called it off, and I noticed myself just having to scream to make him stop his accusations. I feel like I let myself fall in this bottomless well and I still see the light, but I can’t really reach out to anything to stop my fall. I am making myself stay here, try again, etc. And I wish I had set boundaries, like “if we have an argument like this again, I will leave”. But I just let all the arguments slide.
I really appreciate all of your advice on my posts, and I feel bad to let you all down too now, just like the people in my life.

[Bananaboat]

You’re not letting us down! You’re making a decision with more knowledge than before. Like you say you know now you want boundaries, whether you formally set them or just know them in your head & heart it’s a step forward and you’ll feel stronger if/when they get broken. Lovely so so many of us have gone back, tried again, hoped for the best so there’s no judgement here. Keep using the forum, and know if it doesn’t work out the way you want you have the right to leave. You’re strong, you got this but if you’re really unsure then don’t – give yourself more time, so todays a date, tomorrow, next week, next month can be special dates too if you make them one x

[Ariadne]

Hi @Bananaboat,

thank you so much for your reply! I feel sometimes weaker than before, but I know that I can identify bad situations more easily. I just need to also start acting when I do. I feel a bit more relieved after reading your post, thank you.

[Bananaboat]

No problem at all. Also don’t worry if you can’t stand up to him, they make it so we can’t, plus stay safe! Maybe just know in yourself he’s crossed a line and that’s not acceptable and that’ll help your decisions in the future. Sometimes we have to know in our heart of hearts we’ve tried everything and given them our all before we allow ourselves to give up, I know I did x

[Ariadne]

That’s exactly what it feels like to me! It’s the wanting to make sure I gave all I could.

[Author]

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