Its happened again

[nbumblebee]

They wont stop. They dont change ever.
My husband has been calm and nice for about 2/3 weeks but i went out without him, how dare I?
First he argied i didnt tell him when I did many times then when i returned he shouted accusing me off having an affair telling me he wants a divorce he was (detail removed by moderator) then he grabbed my (detail removed by moderator) tried to push me down and demanded sex. Not this time i got up told him to f off and locked myself in (detail removed by moderator) he stormed downstairs after a while came back again shouting moaning calling me names i wouldnt bite told him i was (detail removed by moderator) he said (detail removed by moderator) kept on and on at me went downstairs again banging moaning finally came to bed early hours of the morning. I got up stupidly (detail removed by moderator) as normal told him how this couldnt go on he ignored me and now ive been sitting here all day crying worried sick that he will come home fowl or nice what then what if he is nice again what do i do?
Im a mess i dont want to live this way anymore ive not eaten in almost 2 days not slept im exhausted I just wanted to share Nobody can help me until I help myself but I cant seem to do that. I dont know what to do anymore im tired of being strong I just want to crumble.

[Better-days]

Nbumblebee it’s exhausting just having to ride the storm untill he decides it’s over I know the feeling. You’re stronger than you think well done for standing up for yourself it can be very hard. I hope tomorrow is a better day Xxxx

[nbumblebee]

Thank you @Better-days he was still horrible angry but i didnt bite i just ignored him and now he is acting as if nothing happened.
This no matter how many times it happens makes me think ive over reacted wasnt it just a normal fight? But I keep telling myself No I did nothing wrong and he reacted with such nastiness that is not normal is it?
Im having tests done one of which could be serious its just to ruke it out so im not worried but whwn i told him his reaction was “(detail removed by Moderator)” again thats not right is it?

[BlueberryField]

Let me guess, if he went out without you and he actually wouldn’t tell you , that would be okay and you would have no right to tell him otherwise? I’ve had these situations so many times, that all of my fingers and toes wouldn’t be enough to count all those times. This reminds me when I went to the cinema few years ago with a female friend and he made me feel so guilty afterwards because I left him home alone. But when he used to go out drinking and partying I had to stay quiet because he’s a man and I need to trust him.

You have done nothing wrong, their mentality is wrong, their behaviour is wrong. He only accuses you of cheating because he’s the one who’s doing it. And I’m saying this from my own experience. Mine for the past few months keeps accusing me of cheating, but couple days ago I confronted him about something I knew for a while but decided to wait for the right moment and turns out he was cheating on me while I was at home with a few months old baby. After I confronted him with details he still lied to my face even though I have proof. But (NOT) SURPRISINGLY after this all accusations towards me had gone? Funny, I wonder why.. I’m only joking, I do know why. They are only accusing you of this they are doing themselves and get paranoid that you are doing the same thing. But once they get caught, all accusations stop. Mine after this started showing me different houses that he wants to buy where we could all live as a family and telling me stories of what our life will be like one day. I just listen, but I don’t want that future, I know I will neven be happy with this person.

Unfortunately they will never change, they are not capable of it. They might hide their abusive side for some time but eventually it will come out again anyway.

[nbumblebee]

I wanted to add something else just to get it off ny chest.
After this night we went out with friends and he was happy and chatty to them but every single opportunity to have a dig at me he did nasty snide comments over and over again then as soon as we were home it was pushing for sex. Its as if i should just forget how bad he made me feel like it was all my fault. Now i begin to doubt myself did i over react should i just forgive and forget he is all over me and i feel like the bad guy now for saying no he says ive stopped loving him im to blame but how how do you love a man that treats you like that?

[BlueberryField]

Get those thoughts out of your head! You shouldn’t forgive him for making you feel bad, for disrespecting you. He’s the one who should apologise.
You deserve to have time without him. Every women needs some girls only time or men need only boys time or just some alone time in general. And you shouldn’t get accused of things you didn’t do and feel guilty afterwards.
Mine did the same thing after getting caught kept pushing me for sex and pretended to be all lovey dovey and still managed to call me stupid, when I told him that I know he’s still lying. He kept changing subject to make it look as if all of this was my fault and avoided the whole cheating conversation ending it in saying he stopped himself because he thought of our child and me. I just laughed and said if he thought of us during sex with that girl or after. And the decency to say that he still came back home?? What the actual f**k, I would rather not have him back home.

Please do not let him get into your head! You have done nothing wrong, he will be trying to make you feel guilty by playing victim. They always do this. Please, please stay strong and don’t give into his manipulations

Sending you a big hug and if you ever need to chat my pm is always open! Xx

[nbumblebee]

Many Thanks for your replie. I just dont get how they think we can just forget the nasty stuff and then blame us.
Mind blowing x

[minimeerkat]

bumble, if you had just met this man & he treated you like this throughout the evening – would you find him attractive? would you actually want to sleep with him?
the last few days do you actually feel as if this man loves you, cares for you, respects you? its no wonder that you are reacting the way you are, but sadly your reactions will then be seen as wrong – and you become the bad guy in all of this.
they ensure they are pleasant to everyone else because it will support the lies of his facade of being a wonderful partner – with only you seeing the truth of who he is. a good way to make you feel you are imagining things, especially if any of his behaviour ever came out into the open.
it will also naturally confuse you when he changes from mr nasty to mr ‘i want sex now’. but its just how abuse works. sadly you will be expected to just tolerate being treated like dirt & you will also always be to blame x

[nbumblebee]

Thank you so so much for your replie, Each and every time this happens i doubt i feel guilty then along comes the nice part and i start to forget how nasty he was then bang again and again it happens when will I ever learn?

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