It's like being with him still

[Put the kettle on]

Being stuck at home and the restrictions are bringing back so many bad memories, I feel like I’m back with him. I know I’m not but the panic and fear and anxiety come back. I’ve had panic attacks again.

He started getting more abusive since lockdown, not enough to get into legal trouble but enough to be a nuisance. He’s been quite persistent since lockdown. I try to keep busy and distracted through the day but it’s difficult at times as we have legal stuff going on. I have nightmares still most nights and have to keep reminding myself he’s not here.

[Iwantmeback]

Snap. Just wrote about my ex contacting me again,blocking him. It’s not enough to call anyone, there’s others out there who’s needs are greater than mine. I’m really struggling keeping a lid on the rising panic, especially when he appears when he can’t get in touch. Lockdown restrictions are exactly like living with an abusive person. I know he’s not here living with me, but he is.
Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.
IWMB 💞💞

[Put the kettle on]

I feel for all those who are still living with their abusers, I’m grateful I don’t live with him still.

[Iwantmeback]

Its why I came back onto the forum, the thought of still being with my ex during this lockdown was enough to make me feel panicked. I pray everyone is coping in whatever way they can.
IWMB 💞💞

[Anonymous]

Thank you for posting this. I feel like I’ve hit a wall this week and the rising feelings of panic and hopelessness when I’m alone. I’ve come back to the forum to try and make sense of it as I know it’s coming from trauma. I feel like all the progress made since freeing myself from abusive partner is slipping back and it’s exactly this. The restrictions on daily life mirror the relationship so much. But I’m not there anymore and never will be. I think of those women every day who are in lockdown with abusers – I know I’m fortunate.

[Rubymurray]

it is so daunting and exhausting thinking how on earth im meant to get through the next 2,3,4 6+ months still living together with him.

its like a dream, what b****y timing, you couldnt write it!

only Jan Feb time I was feeling (albeit only recently end of 2019 recognised it for what it was all these years) but I was strong, positive, attending appts, speaking to various agencies, seeking advice support, being safe, planning, recording documenting……

now to think of life like this for much longer, with a young child to care for… and no childcare not even for an hour never mind a day.

zzZZZzzzzzzzzzzz so tired

[Author]

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