Its never ending

[Pinkypanther]

So apparently now I must be sleeping with someone new as I refuse to do it with him. He says he is under lots of stress and thats his only release and he only wants it from me. I remind him how we are not togeth and i no longer have to do that with him any more, he is on at constantly about his stress and how its my fault he cant ease his stress. saying all sorts of nasty things.
i feel so ashamed that sometimes this still works, he ends up coming round and things get even worse so i give in, he knows i dont want to and i wont even look at him but as he says i have agreed to it.
I never want to agree to it but he knows exactly what buttons to press to make me agree. The last time I had been strong for what seemed like such a long time, i thought i had a break through and it would never happen again, im so ashamed of myself for letting him happen, i hate myself for it i really do.
I wish he would just leave me alone and let me get on with my life. His name is on the tenancy and he wont agree for them to take it off so he thinks he can come round whenever he wants, he still has things in the house aswell giving him more excuses to come round unanounced.
right now i hate him with a passion.
please tell me I will get stronger

[Lisa]

Hi Pinkypanther,

First, please don’t be so hard on yourself. Letting go and moving on from an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult and it seems like he has made sure you haven’t even had the chance to focus on yourself and start anew. The shame is all on him.
It may be useful to start engaging in your local domestic abuse service for emotional and practical support. Understanding you have options and that there are workers who will take the steps with you can help you gain the strength you need to move forward. Remaining isolated keeps him in control and more able to exploit your sense of helplessness.
He has no right to keep coming to a property which he no longer lives at, to come and go as he pleases, especially as he is abusive and puts you at risk. This is where having professional help and even legal advice can make a difference. Talk all this through with your local domestic abuse service. You may be able to get an injunction. If you feel comfortable, the worker can help you report to the police about the on-going abuse and control. You may even want to consider the option of going into a refuge where he will not know where you are, so you can get the specialist support you need as you relocate your permanent housing elsewhere.
You may have already considered these as options. I just wanted to let you know that what you are going through warrants help and on-going professional support. You deserve a better life and he has no right to control and coerce you. You owe him nothing. Try to focus on yourself and your needs. You absolutely can do this and there is no question you have the strength within you to do so. The amount of emotional, physical, and psychological energy it takes to cope with such abuse takes an incredible amount of strength. Reserve this energy for yourself.
Keep posting to let us know how you get on.
Take care,

Lisa

[Author]

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