It’s too much

[tiredofitall]

I’ve had an awful day. We are separating (my choice) and still living together. He can’t keep a job, is an addict in denial and has no other choice available now but to move away to live with his family. And it’s countdown to him going and by God I know about it today. I’ve had the full intimidation works. Shouting and screaming all day long, snarling in my face, the lies. The absolute projection of all that he does to me onto me, making out I’m the one who causes all this stuff. He flipped and blamed me and he doesn’t care that he does this in front of the children, he thinks he’s proving himself right by pointing out how s****y I am. I’m scared to be in the house and scared to be out of the house. He’s just been here giving me examples of the good things he has done for other people as proof of the kind of person he is, yet oblivious to the things he has said and done to me over the years and if they happened a few years ago he acts like they shouldn’t matter as that was ages ago and there were reasons. Completely oblivious to the fact that he still does behave in an intimidating way. Its been 4 hours of this going on. I’m clinging on to a future without him but it’s so b****y hard.

[Bananaboat]

Oh lovely this was my life a few short months ago and it’s such a hard period, they get super nasty and intimidating when they realise they’ve lost us. Cling onto the future, do your own thing, leave the room as you don’t need to listen to his diatribe, keep safe (I never went anywhere in my own home without phone and keys with me), I kept food & drink upstairs for me and kids for the super bad days, keep a journal to get all this out of your head (and it’s helpful for the next stage too when you’re out), focus on the kids not him. This time next year will be so much better xx

[tiredofitall]

Thank you Bananaboat. I’ll definitely take some practical steps like you’ve suggested. It’s just so hard. He’s accusing me if choosing a time to leave when he is down. There is some truth in the fact that I had to wait until I could afford to support myself and the children on my own and the irony is that because he wasn’t working it actually gave me the confidence to know I could. I never planned to make the decision that day but I had enough and didn’t want my future to be like this. I didn’t want him to continue to cause damage to the children and me be powerless to stop him. I was tired of being at his will and not in control of my life.
I hoped he’d be able to use the time to make a plan for himself but he’s essentially spent the last 6 months flitting around and using all his energy on being a victim. I cannot wait until I’m finally free.

[Bananaboat]

I hear you, it’s scary how similar these people are. I had very similar, then he feigned illness, had so many lies about him looking for somewhere else to live, guilt trips of how I was ruining his life. Even now after several months out he keeps saying I miss this/that about our life. All we ever wanted was a happy life, a happy home. The only person that ruined that is them. x

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