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Had a recent experience with my ex that helped me realize how much I have changed since leaving him. I sent him a message about our kids and he responded positively & politely which is not the norm for him. He usually either takes forever to respond, responds with just a couple of words, or responds in an abusive way. I told a relative about what happened and they started saying wow well maybe he’s starting to change and I cut them off immediately. I let them know that even the most evil of people are capable of engaging in nice acts from time to time. That doesn’t change the core of who they are.
I feel like in the past I would have thought the same thing as my relative. But now, and especially with the help of you ladies, I know better. A leopard doesn’t change its spots. Abusers are capable of nice acts but it doesn’t change the core of who they are. Abusers are abusers. My ex is still the same abusive man I left & I’m so happy I’m no longer with him.
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But excellent you are recognising this I think I’ve changed a lot to but still difficult as I have children with mine
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Week done SingleMomSurvivor, you are so right in thinking this way. They may be nice this time but eventually the real them will show up, could be next week, next year, 4 years or more but they will show up and you will go back to feeling the way you did when you were with them. I found with my ex his tone totally changed but his meaning was still the same, his actions were still the same. I’m no longer tied to him financially and am now divorced too. He is in ill health now, and he’s becoming more and more nasty, so much that I’ve backed right off, giving a few home truths. Next port of call for me is to speak to my local wa as I obviously can’t talk about the ins and outs on here, and I’m wary of what to do next because of his health problem
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