I've forgotten what normal is

[Bopbop11]

Hi all, it’s taken me years and hours reading posts to get the courage to write this post. I feel like the last ten years have been going from one bad relationship to the next. It took me years to leave my daughters dad, he was very controlling and would scream in my face and say awful things to me. We’ve been apart for yrs now but the control has continued in any way it can. I’m constantly living around his life and plans, I’ve lost holidays as he agreed to have our daughter then when it was booked and half paid for refused. He constantly puts me down to my little girl then upsets her and says she’s lying. It got so bad the police got involved a few yrs ago and a court order was issued. This helped for a while but now its bad again. This week he told the school I was passed out on the floor and drinking. The school visited to find me fine and advised I get advice. It’s not just what he’s doing to me it’s the huge impact it has on the child she’s so upset. He got her a phone for her birthday and has numerous times threatened to take it away and she scared to go to his and say she didn’t say things because she said he gets angry. To add to all this I’ve been in a relationship for a couple of yrs with a man much the same who I constantly make excuses for because I love him, I can’t see friends without constant calls. I’m called names, had my house smashed up but still I go back. I’m starting to think it must be me as I keep going round in circles, I try and take control and luckily he doesn’t live with me but the abuse doesn’t stop when he’s away he gets paranoid and accuses me constantly of doing things I’m not. It’s always my fault.
This week has been awful and I really just want all this to stop I feel overwhelmed and lost with it all.

[Anonymous]

It really isn’t you, you know. He sounds awful. I wish I knew the answers, but I would definitely suggest a call to Women’s Aid. And now you’ve posted once, please keep posting.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there and welcome to the forum. As Landy says it rarely isn’t you. These men see the good kind loving people we are, they want to be us, and like the emotional vampires they are will do anything to drain us off all feelings, emotions and rational thinking. Once we get away from them we get ourselves back, but in order to do so we have to reach out. Contact your doctor, women’s aid, someone in authority you really trust. You are going round in circles, look up the cycle of abuse and the FOG of abuse they should help clear things up a lot. Nothing we say or do is good enough, the goal posts change constantly. Well done in posting, admitting to ourselves that our oh abuses us is the most gut wrenching abysmal time in our lives.
Keep posting and reading others posts.
IWMB 💞💞

[hop]

This is definitely not you, at all! Don’t doubt yourself. He’s deliberately making outrageous accusations about you to try and get you looked into. As you said as well the ripple affect it has on the kids. My eldest knew what he was saying and stuff he had on her that he told school. It’s all him. He wants to isolate you from everything. He has trained you to make you think somehow this is your fault. Well it honestly isn’t. I forewarn my little one’s school if I think anything is going to happen. It gives me back a little bit of control and takes his away from him.

Please never think it’s you. Can you make an appointment to see the gp? Take care. Sorry if I went on xx

[Bopbop11]

Thank you all for the replies, I’ve been trying to get some advice to deal with my child’s dad but child services seemed very uninterested and gave me a child law centre number who don’t ever seem to answer the phone. Thank you for the advice about woman’s aid and the doctors I suffer with anxiety and my doctor is aware of issues with my current partner. I just don’t seem to get anywhere with it all. This week has been hard again as my current partner is unhappy he’s no work or money so yet again I’m being critised and blamed as I’m apparently not being supportive. I hhave enough to deal with myself and have offered to help him out and we ll get through it. I’m still keeping the school updated and they have been very good so hoping ex will stop with the accusations as he’s shown his true colours now. Hoping the new year starts better and I can work towards being me and happy agan.

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