I’ve left but he wants me back.. I’m torn

[Crstb]

Hi all,

I left a relationship (detail removed by Moderator) days ago. I left because whilst on holiday we were very stressed and tired and argued a lot (detail removed by Moderator). The argument led to him kicking my bottom I was upset and then ended it with him to which he grabbed my under arm and said I was (detail removed by Moderator).

I have since had him begging that I know who he is and he is soft and gentle with me which he is. He has said he will do anger management and anything I want to keep me in his life.

My worry is that my son (not his) is (detail removed by Moderator) and I don’t have time on his side. I was holding my boy when he made the threat and twisted my arm.

I’m so torn as I love him but equally I want to be a good mum and for him to grow up with no aggression. My partner is very unregulated at times e.g. road rage, regular falling out and threats to others but it’s never been me.

Help please thanks

[Bananaboat]

No one can make the decision for you but you sound very wise putting your child first. Your list includes several common red flags there, road rage etc. Ruining holidays is also a common tactic. So many of us said ‘but he was kind to me’ or he didn’t hit me but the thing with this world is the goalposts constantly move. Tactics that made you do what he wanted once, often escalate over time as the subtle ones stop working or he wants more control. By which time we’re so invested it gets harder to leave. Eitherway he did this not only to you but infront of your child. That’s no ok and he needs to show you change, not just say it. REMEMBER actions not words xx

P.s. HE wants you back but what do YOU want? Too often we worry about their needs and forget our own 🙂

[Hereforhelp]

Him begging you and telling you how soft and gentle he is is him trying to get in your head to confuse you..it is very common once they know they have ‘gone too far’ … if he wanted to do anger management for himself he would go ahead and do it ..not tell you he will do it… that’s not him accepting responsibility or taking accountability for his behaviour, that’s him telling you what he thinks will keep him there.

I agree with BB, no one can make the decision for you and you are very wise putting your child first.

The disregulation examples are all abusive… road rage, falling out, threats to others…these are all common abusive behaviours…
The argument you and your partner had where he choose to kick your bottom and then grabbing you is a show of violence that he is capable of and he has crossed boundaries when grabbing/kicking you.
I am so sorry he is chosing to treat you (and your child) this way, it isn’t acceptable ever.
HFH ❤️

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