I’ve not done anything wrong struggling

[Mellow]

I’m struggling with coming to terms with it all I keep having flashbacks he turned his family against me and when I think of it I don’t know why I didn’t do anything that’s what hurts all the abuse was not my fault but I’m the one hurting why did he do this to me.i can’t get out my head how his family also started to devalue me and make me out to be worthless i never met in person but video and they also started acting off to wards the end when he was abusing me more I never did anything this is what’s upsetting I’ve done nothing what did I do to deserve this

[minimeerkat]

hi mellow, just letting you know that many are left feeling this way regarding their partners’ families.
i thought of his mother like my own mother (as estranged from my own), i loved her, continually showing this with things said or done for decades. i honestly believed she felt the same towards me.
so it was heartbreaking & such a shock to find that she suddenly felt nothing for me & was avoiding me, i was truly devastated as couldnt see how i could have possibly done anything to deserve this. the rest of the family had also become distant & hostile.
this troubled me deeply for quite some time, but when i understood why it has actually happened it did help a little bit. i understood that my abuser had to ensure i was even more isolated than i already was, & that meant turning his family against me. it was to make sure i had no support at all.
it was also because my abuser had to make me out to be the bad guy, as he was desperately trying to come across as the victim in all this – he therefore had to convince his family that without a doubt i was the one causing any problems.
like you mellow, i did nothing wrong x

[Twix]

I feel the same Mellow, it’s so hard to deal with and minimeerkat my situation is identical to yours, it’s such a loss & heartbreaking that they can do this. I dread what will happen if she passes away, I don’t think I’d be welcome going to her funeral, it’s so sad.

[minimeerkat]

so sorry to hear youve had to deal with the same painful & confusing treatment twix.
we eventually learn that this is all done intentionally with their families (& friends etc) to protect the abuser from the truth coming out – it ensures that we will never be believed. we are now, as far as everyone else is concerned the actual abuser x

[Twix]

You’re spot on, though I’m finding as time moves on people are seeing through it & based on previous behaviour they see how manipulating he’s being. The truth always comes out & the opinions of others really don’t matter, it’s the mental peace with ourselves and the trauma we’ve experienced that we need to focus on healing from. Easier said than done but we keep going, one glimmer at time xx

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