Just 50 but been feeling this way for years

[Shecando]

Hi

husband of (detail removed by Moderator) years plus has a tendency to blame me for everything that is wrong in his life. It’s because of me he can’t think straight . It’s because of me he can’t function. It’s because of me work goes wrong . It’s because of me … it goes on and on.
there is a pattern , sometimes he is fine albeit still likes to control me – ‘why did you say that , no follow ons please, nope I don’t want to hear it , who asked you to pipe up and so on – these are the generally okay days.
The not so good days are when he is stressed usually with work and I get a very lengthy text saying how it’s my fault because he can’t think straight , I never listen , he’s fearful to get his words out ( he actually does get his words out , it’s like a monologue and I can’t interrupt ‘) he could have done so much better if he had been listened to and so on

the list is endless and it’s been going on for years

I usually spot the signs and know when I’m going to get a super long text telling me my downfalls and how everything he feels is because of me

not really sure how to help him

I feel I do listen , I do try to understand , I do give space to vent. I actually think he doesn’t listen to me to be honest

 

when does all this blame end and what do I do

[Lisa]

Hi Shecando,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. What you described must be really draining and is chipping away at you and your confidence. None of this is your fault- you are not responsible for him or his behaviour. Abusive men will often blame their partners for what is happening- its not acceptable for him to set out to put you down in this way.

You don’t have to navigate this by yourself and you may want to contact your local domestic abuse service- for that ongoing support.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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