Just a quick hello and a bit about my situation

[Gratefultobeawake]

Hi, I have been with my husband for (number removed by Moderator) years, (number removed by Moderator) of those married.

when we first got together, he would get jealous if I was speaking to other people. During our (number removed by Moderator) row he screamed in my face, grabbed my arms and I had bruised hand marks on me. I ran to my mums.

there were other times but not quite so physical.

ove only just acknowledged that he sexually assaulted me twice. First time was around (number removed by Moderator) years ago. I never spoke of it until recently. I remember feeling detached from myself at that time then I buried it. And again a few months ago, we were both drunk and I can hardly remember it.

i am getting memories and recognising subtle control, gas lighting and stone walling. I feel on edge a lot. He has not physically hurt me in years. And people would find him loving to me if they met us out and about. This constant state of feeling safe then suddenly unsafe has become unbearable. I have told him it’s over, he drinks most days. And lots at the weekend.

Sometimes I doubt I’m in an abusive relationship because it’s not every day, I don’t have bruises. However through counselling it’s like the realisation has hit me. I can now name it. I feel guilty as I don’t even know if he is aware it’s abuse, but regardless it causes me harm. The last few weeks he’s not taken in that it is over, he has blamed me, tried to guilt me about the kids, and twisted things. I see it all. The hardest part has been (timeframe removed by Moderator), he’s suddenly saying what I wanted to hear years ago. When I think of staying it feels horrible. I am scared for my future. Worried about selling our home and starting again. What I do know is, is that I have a right to feel safe, and I am worthy of love and that starts with me. I am finding music helps, taking time to cry and grieve. I’m grieving for the love I’ve always wanted, the shattered dream and the man he could be.

thank you for reading x

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Hi, I’ve just joined and wanted to say hi. I’ve struggled for ages to see my situation as abusive. I’ve left with an emergency bag and no contact. I’ve just done my witness statement. Please try and take photos, secret recording, keep a hidden diary on your phone, anything that could help for evidence. I’ve only just got back in touch with my friends after a long time and they’re amazing. It can be done

[Gratefultobeawake]

Hi, it’s so confusing isn’t it. I think grieve what could be. When he’s being nice it confuses me, I think oh I’m being harsh and I go back…. Then it starts all over again. The abuse cycle makes so much sense. 

it hasn’t been physical for a long time, but I know if I show anger back it could easily go that way. If all feels surreal at the moment.

I have never felt so strong but vulnerable all at once.

if I was reading about this in a book i know I’d be praying that I break away and find some peace.

thank you for replying. I hope you are okay and so glad you have support x

[Breadandbutterpudding]

My ex is an alcoholic which is why I stayed trying to help but had to accept it was the bottle over me. When you’ve been convinced slowly that you’re the crazy one for so long it’s just exhausting. My brain is only just starting to make sense after (timeframe removed by Moderator). He’s been blocked so can’t contact me and getting my belongings soon. It doesn’t matter if it’s not just physical, document everything. The bright sky app is a good safe way to do it

[Sad and alone]

That cycle of them being “normal” and then out of nowhere switching to abuse is exhausting. It puts you on edge. You can’t trust anything. But you still get sucked back in when things are calm because I think we crave that normality. It brings us peace. Because of the disruption and the upset that’s caused you take any quiet time you can. But then you start questioning yourself. Like if they can be like this there must be something you’re doing to ruin it all. Even when he’s talking a load of c**p about me, and I know in my heart I haven’t done anything wrong, it gets in your head. It’s a very manipulative situation and one that’s hard to get out of. Accepting that the one person that’s meant to be on your side is acting this way towards you is very difficult. He’s obviously noticed you feeling stronger as he’s now trying to manipulate again by saying what he knows you want to hear. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. But you’re not alone – post here and read others accounts and it’ll confirm that it’s not you, it’s him.

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