Just left, feel like I’m insane

[BookFanatic]

A left an abusive relationship (timeframe removed by Moderator) months ago now. Everytime I try to think about what happened I can’t think straight. Especially with them saying that I was making it all up when I left the relationship. He recently messaged me asking for his (item removed by Moderator) back. When we first broke up I told him that this was his final chance to get his (items removed by Moderator) back as I don’t want to see him. I blocked him on everything but he messaged me on an old account I followed without realising.I still have the (item removed by Moderator) and I am waiting to get rid of it, but he wants it back. I told him it was in bin because im scared of him still. I’m worried that even seeing him I’ll panic, or he’ll try to get me to go back to him.
I don’t remember everything that happened. The stuff that I do remember happening is a blur. I remember him chocking me, and then telling me that i asked him to do so. I remember him telling me that I had to preform sexual acts otherwise he wouldn’t find me attractive anymore. When talking with him before he said that I was making it all up. I’ve never felt more confused and more like an asswhole.
I also feel like my feelings are invalidated as I have recently realised I’m only attracted to girls. I feel like it’s impossible for me to be sexually coerced by a man if I am a lesbian. I’m talking to this girl and I don’t want this to get in the way of our relationship. But I feel like I can’t be touched any more without freaking out.

What do I do if he comes to my house and tries to get the (item removed by Moderator) back?

[EvenSerpentsShine]

I felt like my partner made so many rules for the relationship that I had to abide by, and so many dictates about how  I could or couldn’t or should and shouldn’t behave, that I lost track of the fact that I didn’t need a document full of evidence and proof in order to leave the relationship.
People are allowed to leave a relationship for any reason they want (detail removed by Moderator)

You can leave because you feel scared or uncomfortable (very good reason). But you can also leave ( and people DO all the time) because “the spark has gone”, “I’ve met someone else” or “we’ve grown apart”.

You don’t have to explain yourself to him or to yourself unless you want to.

Abusive relationships weigh us down with FOG, Fear, Obligation, Guilt.

You don’t need to explain.

I agree that you shouldn’t meet to return his possession. Find a neutral person or place where you can leave it if you can

send it by post, or think of some other way to get it back to him on your terms..

 

[Author]

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