Just sharing my experience

[Mumofcats]

I don’t know what I am looking for posting this. Probably advice, support, someone telling I am not alone.
My situation crossposts a lot of subjects in this forum. Hence why I am posting in general discussion.

My husband of more than (detail removed by Moderator) decades has been physically abusive, even though this seems to have stopped/ calmed down. But he’s been financially abusive too, when at some point I didn’t even have a bank account. And when I did get one, he started transferreing some allowance money on it, but that only lasted (detail removed by Moderator) weeks.
And he’s been emotionally and psychologically abusive. GAslighting me all the time.

But I never realised, umtil I started seeing someone else. Someone who was kind and showed his true feelings for me.

My husband found out, and he then prevented me going to work. He threatened me and the other person. He took my car keys, and asked me to leave. Fortunately soemone helped me and gave me a phone and encouraged me to get in touch with women’s aid.

That’s when I realised I was being abused all this time.

Then he changed his mind and let me go back to work, gave me my phone back.
In the meantime he had hacked my phone and managed to get all the messages I shared with the other person.

It’s been (detail removed by Moderator) months since he found out and I have asked him to leave. I want things to end in a peaceful manner. He always says he will leave but has never done it.

I am disabled and have children with him. I can’t see myself goign into a refuge. I am afraid this would mean I’ll need to stop work. I also leave in a council house, and the stability it gives me, I wouldn’t be able to cope without that.

I am at a loss regarding what to do now and to persuade him to leave of his accord.

Thank you for reading this far.

[Lisa]

Hi Mumofcats,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. You are not responsible for his behaviour- abusive men don’t like to lose the control. He knows exactly what he is doing and that how he has treated you is unacceptable-he feels entitled to treat women in this way. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.

If you want to stay in your current property you may want to seek legal advice around your options and also link in with your local domestic abuse service for ongoing support.

Rights of Women are a voluntary organisation offering free, confidential legal advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact issues. Their Family law advice line can advise around domestic abuse; divorce, finances, cohabitation and property in relationship breakdown; parental responsibility and child arrangements. They are available on 0207 251 6577 (Tues-Thurs 7-9pm and Fri 12-2pm).

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to send my support

[StrongLife]

Sorry this has happened to you.

I had emails read in similar fashion. It seems very common that they do this.

Sending you good thoughts on this.

[Mumofcats]

Thanks for your support. I’ll come and update when things have moved forward.

[Mumofcats]

Update

Hi everyone and thanks again for reading.

He’s left the home! Yeah! I feel such a sense of relief and peace. It’s just amazing.He’s been coming for the children, and so far things are happening peacefully.

Yesterday I watched a movie by myself, it felt so good.

I’ve been having counselling sessions over the phone for the past 3 weeks and it’s helped so much. I’ve also got some support from a charity.

I am now looking forward to the future!

Sending love to you all. Be strong!

[StrongLife]

Good on you for persistence and thanks for sharing the update. You deserve that movies and the peace.

[Mumofcats]

Thank you.

Unfortunately he came back.
one of my children had prepared to run away, so had to call the dad, and since that day he decided to stay ‘for the sake of the child’.

I had (detail removed by Moderator) weeks on my own, and it was bliss. Now back to square one.

[Author]

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