Kids and their Dad

[Hidinginplainsight]

So this post is more about my kids relationship with their dad and how i handle some of the behaviour that is going on.

A little background – i split with my ex as the final straw was me finding out he was having an affair.He now lives with this woman and they have our two children (detail removed by moderator) weekend.

My (detail removed by moderator) is autistic (something my ex doesn’t believe is true!) and struggles with his relationship with his dad. Truth be told he sees right through him and all of the bull. My eldest is increasingly not wanting to go and see his dad. He says that he just wants to come home but doesn’t want to tell his dad and doesn’t want to break his heart. He has also said that his dad lectures him and makes him feel claustrophobic. If i try and talk to my ex, all i get is that i am too soft and that the reason our son is the way he is, is because i let him get away with murder. If he wants to come home early then he threatens to take his phone away to show him that he has to be respectful of his elders and do as he is told.

Im stuck in a no win situation, whatever i do is going to be wrong. If i let our son come home then i am pandering to him, if i don’t then i am letting my son down.

What do i do? My other child was upset on the phone the other week and telling me they missed me and i watched them look over to where my ex was listening in with concern in their eyes – like they had to watch what they said.

I will admit that i am terrified of him – he has never physically hurt the kids and he is still on best behaviour with his girlfriend – but i don’t know what to do for the best.

Im probably not even explaining things properly either!

Thank you

H

 

 

[ultimatelyStrong]

I feel your pain. It’s a no win situation. I don’t know how old your eldest is but I guess as he/she is old enough for a phone they are about the same age as my eldest and he has said almost the same things about how his dad treats him when he’s at his house. As long as there is no immediate danger I have decided the only thing I can do is wait and see how things lie when my kids are old enough to chose for themselves. OR if I feel strongly enough I stop contact and take it to court as right now it’s a casual agreement. In the meantime I document everything and had been recording conversations with my children but my eldest realised what I was doing so I had to promise I won’t any more. As the last thing I want is for him to stop talking to me. I think a lot of it comes down to how resilient your child is. As one child could cope better with a situation than another child. Mine does complain but at the same time is quite switched on and is able to cope quite well. If he was less able, I think I would have altered the contact arrangements by now and probably been in court. It’s so hard, I am with you. I’m sorry I can’t help but sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not alone! X

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