Leaving abusive relationship

[Flower01]

I’ve been told by someone that I should go back to my kids dad to stop one of my children being aggressive and abusive towards me to stop him or her being horrible to me but why should I go back to an abusive and aggressive controlling man who made my life so hard and no possible to leave the house I would not trust him again and there is no love there .

[Lisa]

Hello Flower01,

I’m so sorry to hear that someone has given this advice. It can be very difficult to hear opinions of others who may not have a very deep understanding of the dynamics and danger of domestic abuse.

Abusers do not change, and abusive, aggressive and controlling men do not make safe or healthy role models for children.

I hope you are feeling okay today.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Grey Rock]

Oh dear. Some of the ‘well-meaning’ advise that people feel that it’s okay to give us way, way off the mark isn’t it.

I don’t know from your post if this is someone close or that you need to have contact with, but it may be wise to create emotional distance with them if not physical distance.

Your leaving isn’t what caused this. It’s important for both you and your children that you are safe from your abuser – physically and emotionally. No doubt children are affected by the aftermath of abuse, but going back isn’t a solution any more than sending someone traumatised by war back to the war zone would be.

GR x

[Flower01]

Thank you for caring Lisa it’s right what your saying that abusers don’t change as his always been like this and he still is it has affected my children to and he made things worse for them so I think there is no way I would listen to this listen to this person and go back to him

Ime still feeling stress but things will get better

[Flower01]

Hello grey rock it’s never a good idea for someone to tell me to go back with my kids dad this person thinks it will make my children feel better I don’t understand that they don’t everything I’ve been thought and I’ve been told that one of my children will do something bad to me of I don’t go back with him ime not scared because that can’t be true I don’t understand why this person would say this I can’t say what person it was because I got to be careful but it just don’t make senxe to me . The thing Is my kids can see there dad but I feel it’s makeing things worse with one of my children I agree with you if I went back it word traumatised Me because he will just be the same as before or even worse

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