Leaving, anxious &scared.

[Wantingsupport]

Hi all, please can I have some advice?
I’m (removed by moderator) trimester  with 2nd child and this has given me the strength to try and change my situation with my partner. He has a habit which costs a lot of money. I have given him (removed by moderator) ultimatums (removed by moderator) to change his ways however I don’t think he’s changed or going to.
I’ve been so low constantly thinking about it that I I’m barely functioning myself.
Whenever I ask or try and tell him he won’t listen or gaslights me.
I do everything with and for my child atm. I mentally take on the strain of the house.
(Removed by moderator) after I suspected him of drug use (when I ask he says no (removed by moderator)) I could barely sleep so a called my local abuse service, registered with my local council for housing help, they told me exactly what I need to do and they will call me next week regarding moving the housing band up to a band b which I’m so scared of the unknown of how long will it be before I get a house. Since then my anxiety has hit the roof with a millions of questions. If I ask some questions please advise me or reassure me! He’s not violent but gaslights, financial abuse, no communication, no empathy or emotional care.
Questions:
Telling him I’m no longer happy and I will leave with our child?
Giving him the time to adjust
so I can pack?
Do I just leave and come back to collect half of the house?
How long has anyone had to wait to get out in this similar situation?
He knows something is wrong with me but I’m beyond the point of trying to explain now how I feel cause he won’t listen.
I constantly feel dread, sad low in myself emotionally drained of the constant thinking.
Thank you for any advice.

[Lisa]

Hi Wantingsupport,

I just first want to welcome you to the forum. I hope you find this a safe and supportive place to be.

I’m sure you will soon have responses from other women here who can very much relate to what you are going through right now and who can offer insight to the important questions you put forward.

Safety is paramount while making your plan to leave. You say he doesn’t listen or gaslights you when you tell him things. Telling him about your current plans to leave will likely only cause him to emotionally manipulate you further, to prevent you from doing so. Keeping your plans to yourself at this point, may be best.

It’s great to hear you have made contact with your local domestic abuse service and have communication with housing. It can feel overwhelming; so one step at a time, as it feels right (and safe) for you and your child. Just to highlight that any concerns and questions you have, like the ones you have expressed here, can also be put to your local domestic abuse service. A support worker will be able to safety plan with you, offer advice and go over all options so that you can be assured on how best to move forward. You also may find it useful to read through information on making a safety plan to leave here.

This is an emotional and anxious time, so do take care and know that you are not alone. Keep posting here to let is know how you get on.

All the best,

Lisa

[Wantingsupport]

Thank you Lisa.
I’m angry today. I feel so gaslighted and stonewalled. I mentioned before I decided that was it that I needed reassurance and a lot of it cause of my anxiety and worries I’ve had and I’m not getting any of it.
He will say he’ll do one thing and not do it at all knowing I will do it cause it’s our child.
He has spent the well over 24 hours in bed then off out for the day doing until late whilst I hold the fort.
This isn’t right is it? Watching them living their life without having the responsibility of a child and me here overthinking it all.
I love my child and they will go everywhere with me otherwise they won’t see life!

[Author]

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