Leaving my abuser is destroying my life and staying with him was destroying me

[Gettingoutforgood]

I left home (detail removed by moderator) with a sense that I would never again have to live in constant fear. I had grown up in an abusive family but didn’t expect that my husbands perfect Christian family could also be a family of abusers.

My husband had always been a little weird I can see now (detail removed by moderator). We’d had intimacy problems from the beginning but I had stayed due to my lack of self esteem and inexperience.

There were in hindsite alarm bells throughout the relationship. His almost too perfect behaviour, he claimed not to even tell white lies. What I’d discover though was that he’d lived a secret intimate life that repelled me when I found out about it.

But by the time that his emotional neglect and passive aggression had started to dominate family life I had a beautiful baby boy who I didn’t realise until much later that my husband hated.

My husband had the facade of the gentle innocent giant but behind closed doors I experienced what I felt was a cold, warped, arrogant, secretive, selfish and cruel stranger.

After (detail removed by moderator) of living in his cold world I fled to a refuge miles away with my son hoping for a new life.

The refuge staff were slow on the uptake, instead of telling us to get legal aid and custody of our children straight away they rather guided us not to respond to our ex partners unless they contacted us via the court system.

Th

[iamme]

Hello Gettingoutforgood,

I am glad you were able to get away. I hope things are getting better for you. Religion is supposed to make people better but its not always the case.

I don’t know much about refuge staff and their experience of abuse but perhaps they wanted to wait till you felt safer before they thought you could deal with legal matters. Sadly, what people mistake for a father missing his children is usually a man trying to control his wife through the children. Mine has done all sorts to make my children hate me. Threatening to hurt or take our children away is something they do to keep us under their control. Contact with the children is another way of trying to get to us.

Phone the helpline for advice regarding legal matters. I’m sure they have dealt with women who needed help in these matters and will be able to guide you further.

I hope you and your child are safe. Well done for getting out.

[Author]

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