Let down. Angry.

[Thisisme]

There was a (removed by moderator) I was meant to go to, it was a really big deal to me but as I broke up with him I didn’t go. He has emailed me through out this (removed by moderator), the normal s**t: how much he loves me blah blah. Short messages, all about love. I mentioned (detail removed by moderator). He didn’t care, like always. Everything is just about him in his little f*****g world. It really hurt that he didn’t even say anything about (removed by moderator), I was nice to him, gave him the benefit of the doubt that the (removed by moderator) would be hard for him so I was kind to him even though him telling me he loves me rips my heart in shreds. These men just don’t give a f**k do they? Using our emotions to pull whenever they want in order to make sure that we are thinking about them. Saying ‘sweet’ things to get a response from us but the reality is they don’t give a s**t about you. I’m so hurt. When he replied after I said (removed by moderator) I got a massive anxiety feeling in my chest that just wouldn’t go away. I hate how much control he still has over me. I’m so angry and the anger is new.

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi thisisme, that anger is a good thing, hold onto that. It’s what will keep you from doubting yourself and help you rebuild your self-esteem. No contact really is the only way forward. Any contact just drags us back into that repetitive cycle, messing with our heads and causing massive anxiety. His lack of empathy is a horrible but necessary realisation but will ultimately empower you and keep you safe xx

[EeyoreNoMore]

I agree, if you don’t have children with him, no contact is truly the way to go. The fog will lift and you’ll see him for the shell of a man he really is.

They are all pathetic.

[KIP.]

He’s not going to admit to hurting you. He doesn’t care. All he cares about is that you don’t tell anyone. What he did was illegal and he knows it. If he admits to it you can use the evidence against him, these abusers are fully aware of what they are doing and as usual he is looking out for number one. Someone once told me ‘when somebody shows you their true colours, believe them’. It’s not too late to ring 101 and ask the domestic abuse police to help. If not, no contact is your next best option with him but keep all the evidence you can. If you have injuries then photograph them and visit your GP and log it with her. It’s important to evidence his behaviour as these men are pathalogical liars.

[Lisa]

Hi Thisisme,

It is normal and totally understandable to go through a range of emotions during the aftermath of an abusive relationship. It’s normal to miss them, to feel intense sadness, grief, and anger. As Peaceful Pig says, the anger can be helpful; it can help to remind you why you need to stay away from him and it can help to propel you forward. Life can and will improve with time.

You’ve received really good advice above, I agree that stopping contact with him completely is what is needed in order for you to start being able to heal from this relationship.

I think it would be helpful for you to get some ongoing support from your local domestic abuse service, if you have not already done so. You can speak to them about counselling and about group recovery programmes. Please remember you can also call the 24 hour Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

Keep Posting,

Lisa

[Author]

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