Life after him

[Gothicgirl]

I had (detail removed by Moderator) dates with my ex and on the first he raped me in a public place and was extremely abusive the second time. He tried to kill me twice the second time and caused a rupture in my vagina and caused me to bleed. This was (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago and I didn’t think it had effected me that much (I was abused as a child by my brother) but my current boyfriend accidentally hit the rupture and brought all the flashbacks back, which is why I’m on here seeking help after his recommendation. How does everyone deal with flashbacks?

[KIP.]

I’m so sorry you have been through such a horrific ordeal. Good trauma therapy is how to deal with the mental injuries you’ve been left with. Talk to your GP. I’m assuming you have reported this to the police? If not I’d strongly urge you to speak to rape crisis either way. They have a brilliant helpline. It’s probably not a good idea to move onto another relationship at this stage. You are extremely vulnerable just now. You need time to deal with the trauma of all of this and accidentally hitting you in the vagina? Please talk to your GP. There’s also the national domestic abuse helpline with lovely ladies who will talk you through more options. If you haven’t seen your GP and are still bleeding then please go to accident and emergency at your local hospital x

[Gothicgirl]

I didn’t report it because he threatened to kill me if I did. My new boyfriend is extremely supportive. He’s the one who has helped me to open up about it. He didn’t accidentally hit my vagina, we were trying two fingers instead of one and I lied and said it didn’t hurt but it got to the point were I had to tell him it did hurt and then I started to bleed and have flashbacks. I tried to hide it from him cause I felt ashamed but he knew something was wrong and just held me till I was able to tell him.

[KIP.]

Would you consider talking to someone on the rape crisis helpline? It’s really good that you can talk about what happened but talking to a professional is really what’s needed and to talk to your GP too. It sounds like you need medical attention. If you can get to accident and emergency and let them know what’s happened. You could have serious long term damage. You have nothing to be ashamed of. These men make threats to keep us silent. Could you talk to the police and tell them you’re concerned for your safety. They could help protect you and it’s likely he’s done this kind of thing before x

[Gothicgirl]

I’ve been to the doctors, that’s how I know there is damage but they don’t know how long it will take to heal. I don’t want to talk to a professional about it which is why new boyfriend recommended here so at least talked to people who understand what I’m going through. X

[KIP.]

Well welcome and it’s really brave of you to open up even on here. My flashbacks were awful in the beginning. With counselling and trauma therapy they began to get less and less. Our body retains trauma until we deal with it and often a new trauma will trigger old trauma like abuse from your past. I had to sleep with the lights on for quite some time and with a radio on low as I was waking up not knowing where I was as the trauma played out again and again. I would wake up running round the living room. It was very scary. With the flashbacks I would have a mantra ready. My name is……., Todays date is…… and I am safe. Lots of mindfulness and also exercise. Walking was good for me. Listening to a positive playlist. To begin to heal you need to feel safe so work towards getting to a place where you feel safe. There is a local charity to me that deals with childhood sexual abuse. Eventually when you’re feeling stronger, please consider approaching o similar charity. Meantime just be very kind to yourself.make sure you eat and drink and get plenty sleep when you can. Healing from hidden abuse is a good book. And The Body keeps The Score is a good book about trauma. Surround yourself with positive people who understand x

[Eggshells]

Hi Gothicgirl, First of all, I’m sending you lots of love. This is a serious trauma for you and it will have an impact that will need professional help to sort out.

Until you are ready for that, then keep talking to us. You have been so brave to open up and share this with us, well done for taking that step, I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you. Sometimes, the more we talk about it, the easier it becomes to talk.

Different women will have different ways of dealing with this kind of trauma. I use mindfulness. There is a really good app called “Insight timer” which is free and has thousands of guided meditations. This can help to ground you a little.

Please know that you are not alone and you are understood. KIP has made some great suggestions for books. I downloaded them for free on a free trial of “audible” to make them more accessible as I don’t do well with self help books.

Keep talking. xx

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