Life after refuge same face’s same issues

[Door mouse]

Those of you that have friends already going through domestic abuse are lucky, I had none and still have none trying to make a Normal life for myself after being robbed of everything including my life and a child, and who depends on a system that is easy to get lost in ,I have noticed although I managed to escape the abuse I am met with the Same challenges I was trying to escape from these people arn,t really friends they are substitutes  for that situation on my crossing over ,what To do history would only tell me to break away and look for something else but do I , again financially this is holding me back I care about so much, where these people do not a I am worried that my mental capacity as we’ll as my physical appearance can cope with real people let me know if anyone has the same issues

[Lisa]

Hi Door mouse,

Thank you for sharing with us. I hope it helps to offload here about your experiences and your worries. I am sure others who can relate to your post will be along to share with you when they feel ready.

Keep posting when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[pigsinblanket]

i relate to this and ive been quite a few refuges, had no respite in any of them. the entire system is rotten, and trying to make friends is opening your self up to exploitation. whereas the abusers live a normal life and society protects them in so doing.

[Door mouse]

I don’t tend to worry about the what’s it’s more about how I feel emotionally but I definitely agree about the friendship front and opening ourselves to people who are quite potentially rotten to the core Thanks

[Cherries]

Hi Door mouse

I haven’t been in a refuge as yet, though I have had a string of problematic relationships , an insidiously abusive childhood (emotional/mental/controlling) and one past relationship that was every type of abuse. Currently in the process of escaping a controlling one.

There is one common denominator in all of this…me. my childhood set me up for it. I don’t see a lot of things as problematic until its too late.  Im too forgiving have low self esteem and have very real difficulties setting and maintaining boundaries.

Whilst I am in this state Im going to struggle with finding healthy relationships of any kind because people who are healthy generally aren’t living the way I am . I decided a long time back to work on myself. I have zero control over what others do or making them change. In truth it was probably this work that’s created the rift and subsequent problems in my current relationship. People who love a people pleaser because they don’t challenge them at all really dislike a boundary or the word no, turns out. They like us nice and compliant.

My advice would be to look inwards and work on fixing the self esteem an abusive relationship has no doubt damaged. Its a long process but if I can fix my self esteem Im way less likely to fall prey to people who are only wanting a compliant person because I will have the courage to say no and enough self respect to walk away if they don’t respect that.

I’ve been looking for love and acceptance from others when I don’t really have love and acceptance from myself. This time? Me first x

[Door mouse]

So I can relate to that one my self esteem is not to bad considering everything that happened I don’t tend to concentrate on the what’s but the I ams The breakdowns are the worst slightest things Send me spiralling mentally and I can say some horrible stuff you were right but that sense of longing for normality in life and just having friends that truly care you know properly and stability wise Thanks again I really appreciated your input

[Author]

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