Lived a lie

[blahblahblah]

I cannot stop thinking that I spent many many years with someone I thought I knew but all this time I didn’t know him at all. I’m so unbelievably sad and lost and its been a considerable amount of time I’ve been out but nothing’s changed. How long did it take others to get over this and get on with their lives . (I know we can’t share exact timescales on here but roughly as in a short while, years and years
etc )
We have children together so still see my ex for handover etc .
he’s so pathetic now it’s like this confident man with lots of friends etc is now a shell.. dis he really only survive by controlling me ?

Sorry for the rant ,so mixed up x

[Lisa]

Hi blahblahblah,

Thanks for your post and for sharing how you’re feeling. Recovery from an abusive relationship is an ongoing process that is individual to each survivor, so no timescale can really be put on it. It’s quite common to have a delayed emotional response for two reasons; one, in the immediate time after the relationship you may have been busy sorting out the practical elements, and two, because our minds can only process so much trauma at one time, so it comes up gradually.

The fact that you still have to have some contact with your ex will be delaying your recovery, as he is probably still exerting some control over you. So if you can minimise that as much as possible, or if you feel there is any way of altering the contact arrangements so you have zero contact it may help you move forward.

I read in your previous post that you didn’t have a positive experience last time you made contact with your local Women’s Aid; I’m sorry to read this. If you contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 they will be able to search for any other support options in your area. Or perhaps you could try your local service again and ask if they can suggest a specialist domestic abuse counsellor in your area or if they run group recovery programmes.

Be kind to yourself, you will be doing better than you think you are!

Lisa

[Author]

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