Lonely

[Daff]

I’ve been out of the relationship for a good while now and while I’m happier and settled, I’m starting to feel lonely in the evenings. I’m just scared that I will end up in the same situation with someone else and I dont want that. For a long time I thought I would never think about being in a relationship again and I dont think that’s what I actually want. But I seem to be spending a lot of time on my own sitting watching TV the same thing every night. I have friends but with their own commitments and families time spent with them isnt very often. I guess it’s not the worse thing in the world but writing it helps.

[Mime]

Hi Daff, I can relate to what you’ve posted here – the loneliness is the very thing I’m afraid of.

I’ve recently ended the relationship that I’ve been so miserable in – he’s still in the house but I think he’ll leave soon – but I’m literally terrified of being on my own. I’d almost put up with any level of abuse than be left with this loneliness.

I think this is why I’ve put up with so many awful situations – how do you deal with the fear of being alone?

I’d love to know the answer to this.

[Krolikus]

I remember after a bad break up but before embarking on another relationship I’ve taken long time and became almost egocentric. I have very a fond memories of it I think it was the most empowering time in my life! 🙂 Back than I rarely even had time to feel lonely.. but obviously at the beginning I did like anyone would but than gradually it got better. I kept busy by either making some extra money (for myself!) or spending it (on myself!) Ive spent lots of time actually taking a very good care of myself at sauna/pool/sometimes even gym.. but mainly relaxing things like yoga.. than spoiling myself with holidays (budget option but 2-3times per year abroad and small breaks for weekends with friends and family). I kept my body fit kept healthy diet and reached optimal weight. I kept busy social calender so each weekend was planned by going out with friends or just doing some extra shifts at work. Dont get me wrong I still felt lonely sometimes but gradually it was less painful and felt more like its my decision and Ive chooosed it! Firstly and mostly I started to enjoy time with.. myself.. I would say (a bit borderline narcistic I know..) “Im going out to grab a coffee with the most interesting and fascinating person in the world! MYSELF 😛 You need time to heal and its good to feel lonely from time to time once you ready to be withyourself someone special will come along Im sure! And you decide you can pick him/her yourself! But you will know when you ready cause just “feeling lonely” is not a good motivator to be with someone. Find that women inside you she is longing for embrace and spoil her! 😘 x*x

[Bananaboat]

The beauty of being alone is that it is in your gift/control to change that, in a way it never was before living with an abuser. Going outside can be a good start, just a walk round the block, or shaking your routine up a bit. Obviously you can join groups or the gym, and this can be a good step because even if you hate it and never return, you’ll know you tried and sometimes it can be enough to say actually I’m happy on my own. Before getting into a new relationship work on you and what you like to do first, otherwise there is that risk of just picking someone to fill a void and if they lovebomb you it can start this journey again. Might sound daft but could you get a dog or a cat? Good luck, I often think wouldn’t it be great to have more friends, go out more etc but in reality everyone is busy and just don’t do these things xx

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