lonely

[Anonymous]

very lonely day today 😔

[KIP.]

You will have good days and bad days. Just remember ‘this too shall pass’ x tomorrow will be a better day.

[Anonymous]

yeah i know.. just feeling sorry for myself.. i know its time to grow up and get a grip

[KIP.]

Please don’t be hard on yourself. This is the time when you need to be really really kind to yourself. Be your own best friend with words of comfort. You can’t grow up and get a grip when you’ve been abused and hurt. You need time and space to process everything. In the early days I would ring the Samaritans to talk through my thoughts, they were great. I also used the helpline on here which several years ago had the time to listen and even share their experiences. They were a great comfort, knowing I wasn’t alone. It will get easier. Time and zero contact are the way forward x

[colouringinfairy]

I’ve felt a bit that way too today. And my best mate who I live with is off with her new man (who I set her up with haha) so been at home alone all day with my cat. Felt sad at first then realised I could watch whatever I wanted, eat, sing, nap and just generally have me time which at first seems scary but it’s actually quite nice if you view it from a positive angle. Try and see it as a time to really take care of yourself and do what you want – no restrictions, no anxiety, no having to worry about someone else. It’s all about you 🙂 x

[Anonymous]

hi i know its all part of a process im just really struggling with anxiety the past couple of days. i hate it i feel like im having a heart attack

[colouringinfairy]

It’s an awful feeling 🙁 have you got a therapist you can talk to and help you develop coping mechanisms? It sounds cheesy but I find breathing exercises to tend to help calm me down (I’m not going to lie, I am on sleep and anti anxiety medication that I take every night which obviously helps) – there’s a good app called Calm which has lots and lots of great tools to help anxiety, as well as a simple breathing exercise. How are you feeling today?

[Anonymous]

thank you so much i will try it. its just hard wrattling around the house. i should never of let him talk me into moving i should of kept my little flat.. its just all emotions kicking in

[colouringinfairy]

I know that feeling all too well. When I moved back to the city I wanted to live in a different area to him, and he convinced me to move 10 mins down the road to him even though I didn’t like the area. Then months later he has ended it and I am stuck in a flat I hate in an area I hate with an awful landlord/flatmate and I wish I hadn’t have let him talk me into it. Should have stuck to my guns. Can you start looking at moving out? It may be a good distraction for you and a positive area to focus your energy on? Plus it gives you something to look forward to.
I feel the same as you so a couple of months ago I started thinking of all the things I can do to make myself feel better – I started writing again, my best friend and I are moving in together in a lovely area, I got a cat I had wanted for years, I’ve decided to join a choir and start horse riding again. I always think of what Rose did in Titanic (sad I know) when Jack died. It’s different for us but it is like the man we love has died. But what Rose did was live her life and do all of the things she had always wanted to/dreamed of – it’s a really great thing to focus on, cheer you up, and make you feel a bit more positive about life. Might be worth writing a list and going from there 🙂

[Faraway]

Hi I’msosad. This is a normal part of the process. I joined this forum about 8 weeks ago after I had hit rock bottom. I took 7 weeks off work and the grief I felt was so intense I was sure I was destined to feel like this forever. I remember just wanting to hit the fast forward button so I wouldn’t have to feel this intense pain like a knife had been permanently lodged in my heart. I too wondered if I was having a heart attack. 8 weeks later I caught myself smiling and my heart felt a little less hurtful. I’ve been through all the stages of grief and I’m sure I will still continue to feel them from time to time but today I felt a little bit lighter and my chest didn’t hurt so much. I just kept thinking wow, I’m still alive. What helped me was a medication change as I was only being treated for anxiety. I go to my psychologist and read this forum for support. You will feel better too, not sure when that will be but one day you will wake up and feel a tiny bit better. I told myself today that a tiny bit better is better than nothing. Sending big hugs your way. I know the hole you are in all too well but you will get out even if you can’t imagine it right now xxxx

[Anonymous]

thank you everyone it means so much

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi sweetheart,

I just wanted to show you some support as well. It’s such a normal response and it will ease with time. What I tried to do when it was really painful, wwas to tell myself that I infact was just as lonely now as I had been while I was still with him. Sure, he might have been around at times but then he was usually abusive. I reminded myself of all the evenings and nights I spent alone while he was out doing who – or even whom – knows what. The pit in my stomach was the same as when I was with him. The difference without him is that I am learning to be alone without being lonely. I am learning I am free to fill my time with what I want, even if that is to spend the day in bed watching TV or movies or listening to music or just sleeping. On the good days, I will get outside for a walk, I will do crossword puzzles, I will read books even if I don’t read as well as I used to or as fast as I used to, I will be on this forum reading all the stories of these amazing, brave, kind, lovely women who are so full of support, I will look at holidays even if I can’t afford them I will look and I will plan what I would do if I was to leave next week. Slowly but surely I am getting to know myself again, you will too x It does become comfortable again to be alone x I really like CF’s mention of Rose. She lived. We will live again, too x

Keep posting x

[BeautyMarked]

Hi ISS, just wanted to show you some support. The up and down is so very difficult. We can all relate so I hope that at least will help a little at this time x

[Anonymous]

hi beautymarked every reply helps so much.. rome wasn’t built in a day was it?

[Anonymous]

hi always sorry thank you too thank you all its early days i have got through this before i can do it again. but one thing is for sure its the last time. it is the pit in your stomach its a killer.. i think i would be fine only for that. the loneliness is awful but its better being lonely alone is better than being in a abudive lonely relationship thats for sure. i had a good cry today well s hysterical sob my friends at work was so supportive. life goes on i will move forward he will always be a thieving drunken cheating abusive rat. i so hope karma is closing in.not just for him for all you amazing ladies on here xx

[Author]

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