Looking at old photos

[Ariadne]

Today I happened to come across some old photos, and it has hit me like a brick. I was so happy in that moment. I miss him a lot. I try to remind myself of all the circumstances around that moment: the entitlement, the selfishness, the arrogance, the fights. But it is difficult to look at our smiling faces back then, and think about how good it also was. It makes me think the bad times weren’t that bad.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Ariadne

Look at all that you suffered for those fleeting moments. Its very sad, that we so easily recall those apparently ‘happy times’. It reminds me of Facebook, where all you see is the highlights, noone posts the ‘lowlights’, imagine your photo collection, included your sad faces, his raging face, your posture when in fear, the fear in your eyes. Looking at only the highlights and supposedly good times, distorts reality for you, and everyone looking at others accounts. you don’t see the tears and the pain.

Think of all that you mentioned, the entitlement, selfishness, the arrogance, the fights…as if you also had pictures of them, each time you flick through so you get a full picture of the reality of your lives.

I am sorry that this is so painful, its really quite tortuous. I don’t have those, I cannot bear to look at pictures, to see his face, or even talk about it. But for sure there were some great pictures, really great pictures.

warmest wishes

ts

[Bananaboat]

That’s natural. If you want to remember the reality do you have a journal or old posts on here you could go back & read? Or any photos that trigger other memories, they might look happy but you remember the day was tarnished due to his behaviour or that evening he did/said something? Breakups make us remember the good times, just don’t forget the bad too x

[Ariadne]

Hi, both

thank you so much for your replies.
Yes, it feels like torture. It’s so difficult to conceive of it being the same relationship, at least in my mind. I’m very sentimental and nostalgic, and so I tend to have keepsakes from the past, and I never could bring myself to delete photos.
Unfortunately I don’t have journals from that time, but I have been trying to write more about my experiences now, so that I have something to go back to and read.

Sometimes I belive it would be just so much easier if it had all been bad!

[Bananaboat]

I know what you mean but if it had they wouldn’t have been able to hook us in. Even when bad things have happened that would end any normal relationship I’ve stayed, manipulated and twisted into believing his rubbish. The really are evil. It’s ok to have bad days, just remember moods are like the weather, it doesn’t rain everyday the sun will shine again xx

[Author]

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