Looking for written evidence.

[Suntree]

Hi all

Does anyone have any written material which refers to the damage done to children when a father abandons them and the pops into their lives unannounced, then abandons them again, does not stick to court orders of contact (ie not turning up, not phoning, refusing their calls etc)?

I can find a whole lot of material against mothers and the “father” saying how damaging parent parental alienation and finger pointing at normally the mother.

But I can’t find the reverse argument how a parent who chooses not to see the child and stick to an order and then just turns up is also extremely damaging?

Thanks

Suntree

[Serenity]

I know, Suntree, isn’t it awful?

The law seems so much weighed towards fathers’ rights- with little regard for the damage they do.

I have decided that I’m not going to let my children and I become the victims of a bullying nanny state. Cafcass might be heavily geared towards fathers having contact, and turn a blind eye to abuse staring them in the face, but I’m not going to be told how to raise my children.

There is some supportive material which I have read, to help you and your kids strengthen and flourish:

‘Trauma-Proofing Your Kids’ – Peter Levine and Maggie Kline

‘Trauma Through a Child’s Eyes’ – Maggie Kline

I would also suggest phoning the Family Lives helpline for practical advice, and the NSPCC are great too. Xx

[Suntree]

Serenity,

I agree.

Last time I phoned the NSPCC they said I had to report him to the social services, I was reluctant as I was so scared it would escalate the issues. I did, but this nanny state has just and keeps just proving to him that he can do what he likes when he likes.

I think I will ask those questions to the people you suggested. We can’t be the only one this happens too.

I’m trying to search for studies which look at the effect on children and keeping a note of relevant points and sources. I have a feeling I am going to need all the information I can get soon. He is up to his tactics again. And for him that means getting the professionals to think he could be father of the year if he only had this or that and it is all my fault he isn’t. He is a believable too.

As a friend said abusers only have their words and they become very good with them. Because they don’t have the consistency in their actions to back them up. (badly phrased but I hope you can work out what I am trying to say).

I’m wondering if there is a new woman or family pressure at the moment asking why he doesn’t see them?

[Author]

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