Lost myself

[Phenomenon]

Hey all you lovely people. Please tell me it gets easier…
I have so much friend and family support after such an abusive relationship that has now ended but I know they don’t have that and I feel bad for them. What is this? I’m trying to reinvent myself after this toxicity but want to remain myself also because I loved who I was. A lot of the time I can’t even get out of the bedroom. The bedroom is my safe space and the world just seems so big and scary right now.
I’m a shell of the person I once was and I know that people say “it’ll get better” or “you won’t feel like this forever” but how long am I supposed to be numb? I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD yesterday and I’m just … shocked. I hate my mind, I hate my body and my lack of feelings.

When will this end? 😫

Phenomenon x

[Lisa]

Hi Phenomenon,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. getting that diagnosis must have felt really frightening, its a lot for you to process on top of everything you have been through.

There is no time line for trauma- take it one step at a time, you deserve to have that support around you. Its okay to start putting yourself first now.

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at
Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Phenomenon]

Hey Lisa,

Thank you for your reply. I have Bloom already and they are so super helpful so thank you for that! I love them!

Thank you for your advice and kind words x

Stay safe and take care,

Phenomenon x

[Hereforhelp]

Hi phenomenon,

I also have a PTSD diagnosis, I take medication… quite a few of us on here have PTSD, you’re not alone and it can take some time to accept/understand your own PTSD.

Please be kind to you ❤️ you have been through so much, your mind, body and very core will feel exhausted.

I was with abusive husband for many many years, I too completely lost myself. I am some years out and zero contact. I thought I would go back to the me before I married him but I am a different woman now. Getting to know who I am now has taken courses (to understand abuse, Freedom Programme and other DA help type courses) and I have found it hard as towards the end of my marriage I couldn’t make a decision for myself, I didn’t know what I liked or what I wanted on life.

I am so glad you have supportive friends/family ❤️

It takes time to recover from abuse, during those years with your partner your brain would have taken a battering with emotional abuse, gaslighting, the build up to leave and then leaving…

I think it is normal to have concern for you ex, you are a decent human being with compassion. He doesn’t deserve compassion and neither does my ex but some days I feel a pang of concern even now! Abuse is very complicated.

Hugs
HFH ❤️

[Bananaboat]

I often feel like I’ve woken up in one of those 80’s movies, you know like Big where Tom Hanks wakes us as a fully grown adult but has no idea what to wear, watch, go etc. Who am I. There’s days that’s totally overwhelming & sad, how did I get here and how the hell do I catch up. Then other days I enjoy discovering me. My house feels safe and I’ve noticed my walks are shorter on bad days as I just want to get home, but a friend of mine recently said careful it’s not becoming your prison – after all that’s what we were used to in the abuse. Anyway just wanted to say you’re not alone. Also we have no idea if everyone else is walking around with the same thoughts do we. :)x

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