Lost with his moods

[Sabel]

Hi

I’m sorry as I feel a bit silly writing this but I’m not sure what to do.

My partner has got to a point where he’s never happy and it’s leading to him lashing out (never physically and not threatening towards me) but he’ll ignore me or be snappy as though he can’t be bothered with me – everything I do seems to upset him more.

Anything that happens in the house that hasn’t gone to plan – he’s allowed to be upset or annoyed but I’m not and then he’ll just hide in our room and I have to sort it on my own

I feel myself becoming a smaller person as time goes on and I’ve just become lost atm

[Lisa]

Hi Sabel,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. What you described sounds exhausting to deal with-it sounds like you have to walk on eggshells around him and also don’t feel able to express your own feelings- that is stifling.

You are not responsible for his behaviour and none of this is your fault.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Sad and alone]

Being constantly moaned at is exhausting. My husband is never happy. I believe because he creates situations that lead to arguments or unhappiness. I have said to him before he could choose to be happy. We have a great place etc, he doesn’t have to moan every day. Some days are okay, others aren’t, and often I don’t see the build up coming, it’s just suddenly a situation and he’s complaining and shouting at me. If I get upset as a result I get told to stop feeling sorry for myself. It will chip away at you, your confidence and self esteem.
Is it a long relationship? Would it be possible to leave? Have you asked him why he’s doing it? The behaviour will only worsen as he gets away with it more.

[Shecando]

It’s utterly miserable . My husband is the same . I can’t say or do anything right most of the time and if I answer him in a way he doesn’t think i should then that’s a problem. I think he should write me a script . I am sorry you feel this way and I don’t have much advice but I do know I’ve been putting up with it for a long time and would suggest you don’t. It gets worse

[Beachrunner]

I am so sorry you are going through this. This happened to me also and it is emotional abuse. I questioned if it was me being over sensitive but it’s definitely not. He used to be constantly annoyed with me and treated me with distain. Similar to you it wasn’t physical or lashing out. It was distain, sulking, eye rolling, sarcastic humour at my expense. Talking down to me like I was stupid or a child. Silent treatment and stonewalling. It was like he couldn’t stand me. He was never happy and there was an underlying tension that what ever the tension was it was all my fault. I tried harder and harder to please but it never worked. He showed more affection and kindness towards my cat than he did to me. He left in the end and I am doing no contact and starting to heal.

This is abuse and it chips away at our self esteem. The problem lies within them and not us. It’s all about power and control. I’ve been watching podcasts on emotional abuse and also non verbal emotional abuse, it’s really helped me. Don’t doubt yourself. Please keep posting. X

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