Make this stop

[shine bright 2]

When i sleep i wake thinking he is.on top.of.me.I feel his breath on me. I feel his hands and the pain of him biting me. I know he is going to get all my clothes off and i cant stop him. I feel his spit hitting me. And now i feel ashamed. I dont know if it the nightmares or the shame that hurt most. I tried to hold on to my clothes like a kid fightimg over a toy…but i couldnt keep one piece of dignity…couldnt keep one part of my body safe and clean. I cant scrub his hand prints away.I am ashamed.

[Anonymous]

Is there anything you can do to distract yourself? I’ve had to give up and spend the night watching c**p on TV because I can’t cope. Give yourself time to move forwards and hopefully the nightmares will calm down. Every day I get up and am reminded of what happened to me, but I think time has given me a chance to move on. Most nights I can even sleep.

[White Rose]

You don’t have anything to be ashamed of, he’s the one who should be ashamed not you.
What you went through was horrific and I don’t think I can even start to can comprehend the pain and terror you were subjected to even though know what abuse is like. What you have experienced was down to his cruelty nothing to do with you.
As your divorce moves forward and you have to fill in forms and talk to people about why you’re divorcing him you’ll be forced to relive events and it will be really hard on you. He’ll probably get more abusive in his responses to the dicorce petition but you’re doing the right thing and you will get through it.
I don’t know what to advise to take the nightmares and flashbacks away or to reduce the triggers but I do know they get less frequent and I hope with time less intense. I don’t know if they’ll ever stop; but less frequent and often has to be better than being back with him.
A few ladies have suggested mindfulness as a way of healing and believing in yourself, maybe give it a try?
Keep remembering how far you’ve come how incredibly strong you are now.
You will be fine and so will your children
Keep shining x*x

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

TRy and distract yourself at night, watch tv, read a book, go on f b , make your mind wanders else where, slowly the bad memeories do fade away

[Sandybeach]

Try mindful meditation it’s really good for getting focused on other things.Sure you can find it on internet for free.Only need to do a 10 minutes to begin with.Good luck hope you you will be in a good place soon.

[shine bright 2]

I slept!!! A really deep peaceful sleep. Kis did a bit of trick or treat. We ate and prayed and slept early. I slept like a log. So happy I could cry. Im so grateful.that i can aleep like this. He used to do auch terrible things…but hes nor here. I dont need to dread the night. He is going to “check” if i cheated on him. I dont have ro lay there while he hurts me. There is no “duty”…no punishment fot not being a good wife. He used to say my body is “prcious” to him that it “his”. Now its mine. In the peace of my home this morning i there is nothing to fear. No cable, no belt no horrible comments…just kissed from my kids.

Sometimes i just have to talk….sorry!

[Anonymous]

I’m so glad you were able to sleep and you are now adjusting to your new situation. I remember once, even though I was in a new town hidden away I still had to hide in the bathroom to make a phone call.
Please never feel silly for the way that your body and mind reacts. I think it’s all part of the healing process.

[shine bright 2]

Thanks freedoms. It helps to hear other people sya they understand. I still check that all the lids and tops are down on shapoos wtc because he ued to go nuts about it. Social worker has tried to persuade me one last time to get a bit more support..i thnk he might be right

[Author]

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