Making a list to give me strength

[backtome]

I’ve started making a list of all the things he does and says that involve me and my young daughter that I think amount to controlling behaviour and/or abuse.

It’s really helping me see him for who he is and how much I resent him for ruining my experience of being a parent.

The latest involving my daughter was that I found out he’d let her watch in inappropriate movie because she told me and he blamed her to her face for causing an argument as I brought it up to him.

I’m really starting to build strength from this list thing.

[SunshineRainflower]

Yes I am a big fan of The List, my list helped me end things and keep them ended. Everytime I felt confused I read The List. I ended up with 12 pages hand written! I also typed up some other documents such as:

Things I will not miss now that he’s out of my life
Red flags he showed (to help me avoid an abuser in future)

Writing these things down really helps you to get some clarity and learn from the experience. It also really helps during those ‘oh no what if he’s not really that bad, I miss him, maybe we can try again’ dangerous times. It’s hard to avoid reality when it is staring you in the face. Well done for writing it down and keep going.

[backtome]

So glad to hear making a list helped you out of it as that is what I’m hoping. I have a selective memory so forget some of the things he’s done until he does it again if that makes sense.

Great idea to write things I won’t miss and more importantly (for me anyway) will be the things I CAN do such as seeing friends and family without an argument about it first. Watching what I want on TV (age appropriate things for one!) or even having the tv off all together so me and my lg can concentrate on reading as story.

[KIP.]

Wow. Can you see his tactics. To blame his daughter for causing an argument between you both. She will think twice before telling on her dad again. Please reassure her that the argument was not her fault and she should always confide in you. The way he turns the spotlight away from his awful behaviour onto his own child. When you can take a step back and see what he is actually doing it’s shocking x

[Ariel]

Wow… I am going to make a list. Like you I forget easily xxxxxxx

[backtome]

Exactly KIP and if I hadn’t written it down I’ll be wondering in a few weeks why little girl doesn’t tell me anything any more. I’ve spoken to her, but she’s very young (I can’t say she on here) so I’m not sure she fully understands.

The list is definitely helping Ariel!

[lilaclady]

I am going to make a list, good idea. To read everytime I wonder why I left or why people question me why I left. Sounds like it would help immensely having a list!

[backtome]

I’m adding to the list daily, already, even though I’ve only had very brief contact today, i have added something.

The List is the way forward. x*x

[Author]

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