Maybe he's not all that bad

[backtome]

So, my lg and I are doing a course atm based around domestic abuse. She goes into a room with all the children and I go to different room with all the mums. This time they made “wish catchers” as their craft and her wish was that she wants to live with Daddy. She also drew a picture of our house with her in it and labelled it “sad house” because she wishes she lived with Daddy.

She idolises him and loves him so much, she misses him. I feel like it’s me that’s the problem and I should just let her live with him, she’s only young (Detail removed by Moderator).

In our group we talked about attachment and all the things that form attachment when babies are born I was never allowed to do, things like seeing to their needs, cuddling them etc etc. He did all that, I wasn’t allowed, so she’s more closely bonded to him and I feel like an outsider.

There’s no real point to posting this, I just wanted to write it down because it hurts so so much, my heart is breaking that my little girl doesn’t even want to live with me and that we’ll never have that proper mother/daughter bond.

[freedomtochoose]

Is sounds like you are rebuilding it the mother daughter bond which has been
badly affected by domestic abuse. This is what happens.

It is brilliant that you are doing the course. Try to bear in mind that something needs to heal.It is very sad that you weren’t allowed to tend to her needs as you would have wanted to.

But she is with you now and you have the chance to start repairing that.
You will get there.
thanks for posting, keep talking…
ftc
x

[freedomtochoose]

Im also very sure that the trainers on the course will realise this dynamic as it happens to a lot of women, I believe…which doesn’t make it any easier for you I know but it might help to understand it is a common thing although when it happens usually we think we are the only ones it is happening to x

[Janedoeissad]

The little girl misses her Daddy because she knows no different, the life she has seen so far is all she knows. She loves her Dad unconditionally. That does not mean its right for her to be with him.

Over time she will come into contact with other male role models who might make her see Daddy wasn’t perfect. T

Also could it be she just feels emotionally responsible for him? She could have been moulded by him to think she is the ONLY one who can make him happy.

I think perhaps give it more time.

[KIP.]

I can tell you after years of rapes and violence when my ex was arrested I missed him terribly. That doesn’t mean it was safe for me to take him back. You are the responsible adult, her protector. She is a child and cannot know what is best for her. Hang in there and don’t take it to heart. Kids can be cruel and play parents off against each other. I had to build a wall to prevent taking my sons comments to heart. I just forged ahead with what was best x you’re playing the long game x

[freedomtochoose]

well said KIP x

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