- This topic has 23 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 8 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
-
-
-
-
Hi Haggis,
Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post.
I am not in a position to offer legal advice but I would suggest having a look at the Rights Of Women’s website here; they have written an informative guide regarding mediation.
They also have a Family Law Advice Line through which you may be able to get up-to-date information regarding mediation.
Kind Regards,
Lisa
-
THank you for this. I have tried the Advice Line loads and loads of time and never get through. Just when I think I am getting through it goes to ansaphone.
But I will have a look at that link, thank you.
Also, I know it’s quite personal, but if anyone cares to share… did you challenge them on making you have mediation? Also, had you had a fact finding hearing about DV or did Cafcass just decide there wasn’t any or it wasn’t important, so they went with that?
Personally, I feel that if the DV isn’t found relevant to child safeguarding issues, that doesn’t mean it’s wise to have mediation with someone who abused you as a woman. I will look at the site though, as that may explain more.
-
Hi Haggis,
I was pressurised into mediation. Even my own solicitor said it would look good in court if I could say that I had attempted it.
They said it could be ‘shuttle’ mediation and we need not be in the same room- but he tried to Ross my path by being at the car park when I arrived ( even though he’d promised to turn up later).
So I did. I went to one of three suggested. The first one, he tried to intimidate me and lied profusely, so I told my solicitor that I refused to go back.
After this, a friend of mine had been through a divorce and domestic abuse said that she’d told her solicitor that she refused to attend mediation at all, and the divorce went through without her being penalised about it.
I have read on-line that you don’t need to attend mediation if you are a DV victim.
I think Lisa is right, ask for more advice.
For me, mediation was a waste of time and just an opportunity for him to intimidate me further.
-
THank you, that’s really helpful.
Just wondering how far they went in deciding if they believed it was DV or not. Did the court or Cafcass decide it couldn’t be proved, or how did that go? I know it is so hard to get evidence, and fact finding hearings can be quite rare.
I suppose I’m saying, if you refuse mediation but DV hasn’t been proved, would they push you to attend, accept your decision or ask for a fact finding? I’ve heard that quite often judges decide by the consistency of your statements, your own descriptions of events, how you present yourself etc. But of course that can work both ways.
-
At that point, I had applied for a non-molestation order which was in place, but later turned into an Undertaking.
The judge knew -I believe – that my ex was a mental and emotional bully, but as my ex contested the non-mol, he said he felt an Undertaking would suffice as he didn’t have a actual evidence of my being majorly physically hurt by my ex. He did hurt me, but it was not major – more spiteful pinching and slapping x
-
-
Hi, haggis. This is a very confusing and stressful time for you. I have just been through the process. I have a teenager, which has a bearing on how the court proceeds. Starting at the beginning, I ran with my teenager. (Detail removed by Moderator) A non-molestation order is where you can call the police and they have the power to arrest if he does not stick to it. An undertaking is a promise he makes to the court to do or not do certain things and has no power of arrest. In my case, the undertaking is not worth the paper it is written on, as it is up to me to get evidence that he is not abiding by it and it is up to me to take him back to court – not easy when you’re trying to rebuild your life, often with limited funds. However, the courts prefer undertakings as they are more easy to set up and less hassle for authorities to police them.
You also mentioned mediation. I refused to attend and CAFCASS seemed to accept this. (Detail removed by Moderator) My teenager was very brave and my ex did not get a child arrangement order. I hope this helps with the procedural side for you. Please keep in mind that the age of the child is important to the courts. Good luck. -
An Undertaking come under civil law- nofcriiinal law.
If he had a non-mol and broke it, he could be arrested immediately. If he broke the underwking, he couldn’t be arrested on the spot- I would need to take him back to court, though he can still potentially be fined and imprisoned, but the penalties are not as severe.
The abuser ‘undertakes’ or ‘promises’ to do a, b, c ( i.e. Not approach their ex partner, not go on their road, etc).
-
-
-
-
Court wanted us to have mediation. I refused joint mediation on the grounds Women’s Aid advice of not mediating with an abuser. But for the court sake as this is what the court wants me to do I would do shuttle mediation. (This was me showing I was prepared to meet the court half way.)
This is the stance I used each time. They did shuttle mediation once.
And didn’t force the issue.They don’t like it as it takes up time and resources as far as they are concerned.
-
-
Hello haggis, just wanted to say I too had to apply for an ocupation order and nonmolestation order to get myself and my children back to the house without his influence. I had very little hard evidence of the emotional things we had been put through. I did however make very clear affidavit detailing all the instances that lead up to me having to separate myself from him. I also had all the very generous offers put to him in writing to allow us to go our separate ways, I had attended my go for stress related illness and could evidence this, I evidenced the meeting I had to apply for homeless accommodation which I could not get, I evidenced by attending WA for advice prior to getting solicitors involved. In short I evidenced everything I had done constructively to extricate myself from my partner, and in turn everything he had done to prevent this. I also declined mediation….he invited me to go to discuss “the decoration of the jointly owned property prior to marketing”. At this point I was homeless and sofa surfing with three children, the mediation suggestion was just absurd. While I couldn’t show hard evidence of what he had done to me I could evidence the ongoing effect trying to get away from him was having. In a civil case you do not need to prove conclusively the actual instances of abuse you merely need to show and present the case of what you were living with. I had tried everything I could to avoid court, I’d tried everything I could to get us somewhere else to live but he refused us entry to our house whilst continuing to make me pay half of all the bills there. Mortgage, council tax, until irises etc. He even added to his sky package. All the bills came from my account so I was able also to show financial control. He did everything he could to prevent me from being able to walk away. This was enough. Everyone has a right to end a relationship they feel is wrong and walk away. If they try to stop that then they are controlling. My sherif looked at all of this with common sense and didn’t get distracted by his “I haven’t done a thing, she’s trying to do me out of money” argument. Get a good solicitor, be clear and factual. You know you are telling the truth which is the thing we have, the truth is always clearer than the concoction of garbage they come up with. Good luck x*x
-
-
-
-
-
This is useful thankyou for posting this thread. If my ex does take me to court I know we will have to go through mediation which I just can’t face the idea of having to sit in a room with him and say no to his face to what he demands although if the courts allow shuttle mediation that sounds doable. How does this work in practice?
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
