Memory loss

[Newbeginnings1234]

Has anyone else experienced memory loss but for positive memories? I can remember most of the bad times with my ex (they’re constantly on my mind all the time and I have nightmares about him), but I can barely remember any of the good times. I watch videos of us together and I don’t remember being there, and when I look at pictures of him it’s like I’m looking at pictures of a stranger, there aren’t any emotions there at all, good or bad (I would be terrified if I saw him in person though). Sometimes I can’t even picture what he looks like in my head. It’s been like this since the day I left. I’ve heard of people blocking out bad memories, but is it normal to block out positive ones? I feel like I had to block them out otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to leave, but I’m worried that eventually the memories will come back and I won’t be able to handle it because I’ll miss him too much.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, i get what you mean. I know we’ve had good times, I wouldn’t have stayed otherwise, but like you I don’t remember them. The bad times, the feelings I felt they are what I remember, that’s why I no longer live with him or will again. He has killed all feelings I had for him, I’m no longer in love with him, so don’t think I’ll really ever miss him,it would only be the illusion of a good relationship anyway, the reality was, it was controlling, and scary.

[maddog]

When I reflect on the relationship with my ex all I can think about is a vague feeling of fear which I sort of got used to. I was married to a shadow. There’s nothing to miss. I knew when I married him that there was something very wrong but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

[Cecile]

I can relate to all of the above. I can remember the rare times I have met old friends over the years, my feelings, what we wearing, who said what.
the years with my oh are a long grey blur. My head blocks all the bad bits, largely I think because he is so manipulative my. brain became exhausted and gave up trying to make sense of him. He is also grey and boring with no emotions or colour to his personality. Just long endless stretches of negativity and hostility to me.A therapist told me recently that she thinks he hates me and I can only agree. I look at photos of supposedly happy times and can never remember or struggle to what date it was, when and where.Photos of happy times with friends and family I instantly recall and when it occurred.

[diymum@1]

We definitely protect ourselves we don’t let the abuse seep in xx we know deep down if we let them into our very core they’ll destroy us. They do to a degree but never fully. Our unconscious keeps us safe I always feared he’d make me loose my grip and I’d have a breakdown. I nearly did don’t get me wrong but I think we blot it all out naturally it’s a defence mechanism xx it’s the triggers when other people behave in even slightly the same way. That’s when I want to say please remember I have been abused -🥺but I never do. Never will because facing that would be far too hard xx

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thanks everyone, it helps to know that other people have experienced the same thing, hopefully the memories will never come back and the bad memories will eventually go away x

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