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I can’t remember everything of what he’s done to me, it’s like my brain has blocked things out so I can only see the good.
I want to make a list for me to read it back to myself to try and open my eyes but it’s like my memory isn’t letting me.
he on the other hand remembers everything I’ve done and tells me all the time or shouts at me asking me question after question. i try to answer but after two or three words he shouts again, the things he says happened but it is not like how he says it was and I’m trying to hold onto and what I really did, or said. Some if it, I don’t think, are issues that i should be getting screamed at weekly but it’s obviously hurt him and I think the way he remembers things he now thinks is the truth but it isn’t, I know it isn’t and I’m not letting him tell me how it was when I know it was different.
i just have to agree with him or apologise as I feel my brain shuts down.
Does this sound confusing, does this happen to anyone else?
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Yup. Its our brains way of shielding us protecting us.
Try and write things down as they happen. What i do is set up a new email address dont save it to any devices just log in and out each time then use it as a diary. Send emails to yourself notes of what he has said and when. Living this life is so hard we deal with so much sometimes our brains cant cope. Write it down somewhere safe it will help you see a little clearer. X
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Yes I have this too. Sometimes I think just over the past week and know there have been arguments and disagreements etc but can’t recall what it was about. Sometimes I can wind it back and remember but a lot of the time I don’t. It’s a very strange feeling. I have a thread on here that I add to all the time. I also have a book I physically write in although it’s awkward as time-consuming and have to hide it well. Sometimes just keeping a list of “the worst” incidents can be handy for a clear reminder of how he has treated you. I tend to just record physical things but should do more. nbumblebee’s suggestion about the email is a good one.
It is frustrating when you start to doubt yourself, whether what you recall is what happened or not being able to really remember at all. And in the meantime they seem to remember every little word you say about anything and twist it if they feel the desire. When this happens I tell myself off for having obviously let my guard down about but it’s hard when things aren’t awful (I won’t say normal) and you start to relax.
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Pineapplepie ALL the time. I started to journal before I left and thank goodness I did because I’m still reading it to this day to remind me why I got out.
I’m shocked how many memories are blank, I can imagine the incident, where we were, but not what it was about, which is weird because it had been such an upsetting blow up each time.
Occasionally old memories resurface but the ones I want to recall just won’t come through.
I also have just remembered that in the early stages of our relationship I used to prepare notes on my phone to try to defend myself next time we spoke in case the matter came up again.
I’m not sure whether that’s a normal thing to do and I didn’t feel stable doing it at the time, but remember feeling I needed to make sure I had a fighting chance of showing him he’d been wrong about something. I was terrified of losing the relationship and hated being painted in a certain way.
I could not live without my journal and keep adding to it as memories return, or I gain a new understanding of something that happened.
Xxxxx
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I am so glad I logged on today and read your post pineapplepie. Everything you have said resonates with me. You are definitely not alone.
I’ve not been on here since November because I have had a lot of other stress to deal with and just couldn’t cope with reminders of the reality of my everyday life, but I realised I was getting sucked back into the same old cycles. So logging in and seeing your post has massively helped me not to feel alone and to stop doubting myself. Just because I can’t remember what the hurt was about doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. And just because he says I said something that I don’t recall saying, doesn’t mean I did say it. And the same goes for you too.
Thinking of you and sending you ❤️
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Yes I have it too, like when I have come across some of the most traumatic abusive experiences, and when I try talking about them I doubt myself and think about all the good stuff then I blame myself for “complaining the ppl who cared about me”. It’s terrible, but I just tell myself constantly that the good bit can’t cancel out the abuse or the impact of it. You’re certainly not alone, pls be kind and trust yourself.
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On the run up to (finally) separating my memory was very bad…. I journalled and, when safe, I would sometimes record my husband and myself when I had something I needed to say to him. I did that because if I ever mentioned something he said or did had upset me, well, he would talk so much twisting from anger, shock, then he would become a victim and turn everything on me and I horrible I am or how useless, mentally ill… it felt like my brain had been put through a washing machine…
Journal’s helped me to trust myself, just enough to separate…. I am some years out now… memory is still fractured, I remember somethings and have massive gaps… I was with him for many many years and I still am affected now but… I am so glad to be out of that marriage and away from him.
When I had a support worker she asked me to try to remember the first incident of abuse, the worst incident and the last in incident… that helped me to also accept and understand (I read up on DA/DV so as to have more knowledge) the different types of abuse I had been subjected to.
Keep us updated
HFH ❤️
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