Memory loss apparently …

[Rabbitgirlyy]

Does/did anybody else’s abuser Pretend he had no idea what he’d done. Even though he’d just spat in my face, told me how he was going to unlive my whole family in detail and kick me whilst I’m laying on the floor and strangle me.

I stayed with him coz I felt guilty and scared what he’d do if I left him.

I built my confidence and planned carfully and finally left him. I did it! He didn’t hurt Me again. He just begged and oh my word what a feeling that was. I finally felt like I had the power. He was never going to speak, look or touch me ever again!

[Sogo1234]

I’m so happy you have left and are safe now. He sounds horrible.

Yes, I’ve had this with my ex who pushed me against a cupboard, strangled me and said he was going to unalive me. He then didn’t remember any of it at all. Was very odd. His brain just shut down when he was angry or something. It was scary.

My current boyfriend gaslights me constantly saying he never said certain things or I never said things etc… a lot of it I remember so clearly too but it does make me feel crazy and like I can’t trust my brain. They do this though as a tactic for more control.

I hope you’re okay! x

[Happybelle]

Crikey this is awful.
Mine used to say he had told me things but I absolutely know he didn’t like what an appointment time was or what date something was happening or that they didn’t like a certain drink. Even tho I had bought it many times. I would definitely remember as the minute they told me they didn’t like it I never bought it again. I know for a fact they didn’t tell me!! I wonder if their brain blocks out the awful things they have done.

[Reallyconfused]

My abuser has strangled me, pushed me against furniture, a (detail removed by moderator) etc which shattered onto me. He’s punched my ear and I have injuries because of this. He threatened to unlive me and bury me in (detail removed by moderator). Has kicked, slapped, pulled hair , thrown objects at me. This has all been many many times.
It’s strange writing it down now.
On top the endless shouting, anger, aggression, preventing seeing family etc. I have been to hospital several times.
There was financial abuse and I had no access to money.
He would make secret phone calls full of lies to my family members and has caused complete division so that they don’t speak to me again. I have had to leave several times just escaping with my life.
He would teach the children to ignore me and tried to break them up from me.
This was before the support we now have through women’s aid etc and phones etc and I felt totally alone.
There is so much more to tell.
How do you begin to write it all down?
I am still in the same house but we have minimal conversation. The children have grown up so I am stronger and less vulnerable in some aspects.
The truth is – the abusers know exactly what they’ve done and what they do. They CHOOSE to abuse.
They know what they’re doing. They have full control. The anger they often show is for effect. To control us with fear.
They can switch it off and on.
It took me a very very long time to understand the dynamics of control.
And the “kind loving “ crumbs of affection draw us right back in.
That is the problem and we wait and wait to have that side of them all the time.
It won’t happen. The real them is the controlling one.
I too am still in the journey to escape and my mind is now in a very different place. I have been dreading the thought of leaving for so many reasons but it is now a real possibility.
Please keep reading to learn more about this and to stay strong. It’s not us. There is nothing with our memories!!
And keep posting. Women’s Aid and this forum has been absolutely amazing.
Love to everyone.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi

This is very much an abuse tactic, and I believe a very common one.

‘That didn’t happen’
‘You remember it differently’
‘I never did that’
‘You’re losing your mind’
‘You don’t remember things right’

Endless excuses and ways of slipping out of facing up to their actions against you. It is hard to get your head around, as you are used to people being fairly reasonable, and not out and out lying to your face about what you were both present to witness! It can be truly mind-blowing when someone just out and out lies to your face like this, and it does challenge the very core of your beliefs about what you experienced.

The fact they do it over and over again, seriously erodes self-belief, and why would he keeping saying this stuff so convincingly if it wasn’t true, after all he loves us, right? Right?

Getting underneath the skin of an abuser is vital to see the core of the darkness of where they come from with this, watching them lie to court, watching other’s lie on their behalf, the machinations are endless.

Being in abuse can also bring memory issues, but in my experience they tend to be more around time and sequence of events, not that something simply didn’t happen.

Look after your brain, and yourself, be true to yourself.

warmest wishes

ts

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