Mental Health

[Peacethroughhealing]

My mental health is really being messed with here. I have to get him out of my head. I am really not well today, I would actually say a basket case although maybe extreme. Has anyone else felt this messed up? I still love and care for him despite everything and I know that I can’t get what I want from him now as he is not capable, or he is but chooses to hurt me now. Today has been a beautiful sunny day and I’ve been working all week and out at night with various things that I do in the evenings but my weekends can hit me like a tonne of bricks which I know sounds so very sad. We used to do everything together. I am just so very tired with it all, I’m exhausted and it keeps going. I actually feel ill, so unwell. I feel a little bit better as I type this but I’ve ruined my whole day. We were supposed to meet up for the first time in a long time to talk and I was going to drive us to the beach and he gets work for the day and he calls off on me. It’s so important that we talk about things and I so wanted to. I think I’m just so tired. I need to go to my bed and sleep today off. I don’t think I will ever get anywhere with him. It never used to be on all his own terms but now it is and he can treat me the way he wants. I have missed him so very much these past few weeks and I just need to be with him. I can feel that I am going to lose everything, my work, my self respect, I feel so broken and I can’t see a way of pulling myself out of it. Today feels like the worst day yet. I am getting counselling and I am functioning and keeping my job but today we could have been together and talked and hugged. I so miss that emotional connection.

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