Mental health

[Happyskies]

Hi ladies,

Thanks as always for being there. I’ve been reading through the posts here and identify alot with what’s being said. I also feel so in awe of what you have pulled through.

A long time ago i experienced an abusive relationship. It was relatively short compared to what some people have dealt with.

Nonetheless, it took me a good long while to fully break contact and a lot of what I was saying had happened was written off as a mental health problem. I had a total breakdown and found it impossible to leave the house for months so i didn’t appear very credible. Years later with a new area, safe and wonderful relationship and a very knowledgeable GP i received medr therapy for my PTSD. I feel heaps better.

However, I’ve heard that a colleague is in a relationship with him and i think I might have raised it as a safeguarding issue for her after she mentioned it to me. Trouble is i get so stressed i can’t remember if I’m remembering things properly or if i imagined it.

I’m remembering alot of different things and finding it difficult to sleep. With some really vivid and upsetting things coming up when I’m drifting off. Not just from this relationship but from difficult things that happened years before.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice? It’s really putting me on edge and the worry is affecting my productiveness. I’m finding I’m worrying that they’ll confront me in person or I’ll be left alone with them somewhere public and not know what to do. Not sleeping properly is getting to me and I just can’t face going back to the wreck i was before. I’m trying to exercise, join classes and get on with life but it’s increasingly on my mind or at the back of my mind. Even when I’m at home it’s there, but quite a bit while I’m outside. I’m not sure what to do about it- I’d prefer not to go back on medication if i can help it and I’m just so fed up if complaining about this and going back to the doctor all the time. But I’m really starting to struggle with managing things at the moment. Thanks for listening. X

[DizzyFossil]

Sending you big hugs Happyskies.

I’m so sorry to hear about some of your flashbacks returning, it sounds frightening and confusing.

Just wanted to say as well that I relate so much about not trusting my memory from being in a worried state, it’s not something I’ve understood until it’s reading your post, the same with bad sleep.

I don’t really have any advice as I’m still in my own mess here but sending you as much love and strength as I can.

xx

[Happyskies]

Hi Dizzyfossil.

Thanks so much for your response. It really means so much and a really big help. I was contemplating just giving in today and cancelling my exercise sessions but seeing your message made me decide to carry on anyway. Thank you.

I hope you are finding your way through as well. much love to you as well. Keep going 🙂🙂

[Rainboww]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first time posting anything although I have read the posts and completely identify with what everyone is saying.

My ex has started having supervised contact with my son once a week and I am really struggling with it.

I have diagnosed mh conditions and my situation is causing my anxiety to become uncontrollable to point I’m being physically sick, nightmares, panic attacks.

I have no idea where to start to help myself feel better and I’m scared I will never be able to heal and move past everything.

I don’t have many people I can talk to that either understand and don’t judge me.

Can anyone give me any advice?

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Happyskies

I am sorry your flashbacks have been triggered with such force.
It sounds like you have rebuild a beautiful life for yourself so well done, be very proud of yourself as it takes such incredible stamina to reach this 👍
Pls have faith that these flashbacks will not pull you back to where you once were, you are so much stronger now, you have had time to grow deep roots which ground you solidly, you will survive this episode of flashbacks 💪 it is only temporary.

I hear your past memories with your ex are resurfacing but also previous ones.
I would suggest to process them with a therapist. They are screaming loudly in your mind so i would face them head on and ask what the h do they want? Sort of like it’s easier to clean up dirt when you actually see. Consider yourself lucky enough they do surface. Even if it’s disturbing your routine. Try to see it as opportunity to get rid of them once and for all.
My therapist always said, confront whatever comes up (in form of nightmares, day anxiety and insomnia) and it will dilute its power and eventually disappear.
In the evening, before going to sleep, try guided relaxation exercises to ground you. At least 20 min. This will help set the stage to calmness for when the nightmares hit you. Then when they do come, acknowledge who is there “I can see you <insert name here>, I need my space, Go away!”
Maintain a calm and firm tone. Imagine your arm stretched out with open hand ✋️to empower you even further. Then try to fall asleep or do another round of guided relaxation if too anxious.
The nightmares might come back the next night. Repeat the process. I guarantee you whatever you process will disappear as it will be acknowledged thus no longer in the forefront of your mind.

Other coping mechanisms which helped me are imagining every possible scenarios and a solution to it as to what may happened. This empowered me.
E.g. running into them both on the streets. What would you do?
Them turning up at your doorstep and ringing the doorbell. What would you do?
Him turning up at work, picking up your colleague. What would you do?
Imagine just every single scenario possible and find a solution for each of them. Your safety and empowerment should be your priorities.
Take onto account their weakness to draw solutions.
E.g. my sister harassed me and although the matter is resolved (with me calling the police) my anxiety afterwards increased because she used to live in the same city. So i imagined what would i do if running into her? I would imagine it precisely, e.g, her walking down a street and me seeing her from a far. My solution included her weaknesses which is her eye sight, she might not even see me from a far, and my safety = distancing myself from her (she is much taller and stronger than me). So my solution would be to simply cross the street and walk on. Or if she would come by my house again. I would NOT open the door. I would call the police. As i did last time.
If she would sit in the same public transportation, I would get out at the next stop.
Knowing what to do in every scenario empowered me. I follow simple guidelines which I use for every single abusive person; Do NOT engage with them.

If your nightmares or insomnia are too strong to deal with by yourself, give yourself a hand by going to your GP and ask for meds ( anti anxiety pills or sleeping pills or whatever works best for you). Help yourself now, don’t wait. You are worth it. You deserve your own kindness to be directed towards yourself specially when feeling distressed and traumatised by past events.

Wishing you all the best.
And well done for going ahead with exercising classes 👍 you seem to be very good ar self care 😃
I recently joined a gym and I am excited about it 😊

Take care

[Happyskies]

Hi hopelifejoy. Thanks so much for your advice. I’ll definitely take those things on board. I’m really glad you have found ways of dealing with the uncertainty in a such powerful and assertive ways. Really grateful too that you took the time to share those helpful tools with me.

Rainboww,so sorry you’re going through this at the moment. Have you tried your GP? I went last year and found that they were really knowledgeable about what was affecting me and really helped with things alot. I don’t have children so i don’t have direct advice on dealing with that but I do know about anxiety – i found gentle exercise and breathing techniques really help, being kind to yourself as much as you can, and using music to help steer your moods. So using gentle music to calm down or empowering songs to help you feel stronger. Online there are some good lists of activities that can help cause a certain emotional response in you, for example, a walk in nature can cause your body to create dopamine, which is a chemical that causes you to feel pleasure. I also follow sketches for stillness on social media which is comforting. There’s a free PDF you can search online called Feeding Minds. Page 40 has a table that tells you what foods. You can eat more of to generate certain responses. https://documentcloud.adobe.com/link/review?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:b4166efa-ce83-4873-80e0-69f89c696351

[HopeLifeJoy]

You’re welcome 😊💕

[Rainboww]

Thank you happyskies 😊

[Kessy]

Oh, I feel so bad for you. I think you need to work with a specialist because toxic relationships leave a negative effect, and I think it’s important to work on it. When I got out of such a relationship, I started going to therapy (detail removed by Moderator)

[Author]

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