Messing Up a New Relationship or not?

[Falling Skys]

Hi,

I have known this person for a while as a friend, lover, things had been going well.

But he has been distancing himself from me the past few months. I thought it was because I was working long hours and so was he.

He was saying that his phone had no signal (like a fool I believed him) so have sent lots of texts and missed calls.

We have both been in bad relationships (I’m free, he still in same property)

I must admit that I have also been suffering depression and panic attacks. Because I felt so guilty on felling like this as I was out of the bad relationship, and have a lovely home and a job that I liked and the man of my dreams. I didn’t let him know because I didn’t want to verbalise it.

Also he had an operation and I didn’t know till after the event, as he didn’t want to worry me.

In with the mix he has had a grandchild and that makes my situation more painful (my children have cut me away since my spilt with their father, so I don’t see my grandchildren)

I don’t know if its worth hoping things improve?

Instead of multiple texts and calls do I just send one a day? Or leave it?

I have never been in a normal relationship I don’t know how to proceed… I feel like a total failure like a love sick teenager in a old womans body.

FS

[KIP.]

Red flags for me here. Still in the same property? Many men use that as an excuse to look around for someone else while still with their partner. No signal or poor signal? He had an operation and didn’t want to worry you. More likely he didn’t want you bumping into his wife at the hospital? Sorry if I’m picking up the wrong signals here. Have you met his children and grandchild and his wife/partner? Both been in a bad relationship? Another great lie told by abusers. Start asking these questions. Are you both on social media as a couple?

[Falling Skys]

Thanks Kip,

I have meet his siblings but not his children, social media I don’t put any info as I don’t past knowing my future.

Being in the same house as ex was the same for me for many years so I didn’t think of it unusual.

We spent Christmas Day and New Years Eve so if he and ex was together it wouldn’t have been able to happen.

FS x

[KIP.]

Something just doesn’t sit right with me. I wouldn’t date someone who still lived with his wife. If it’s completely over he shouldn’t be living there. I know your circumstances were different. Does he have you as his partner on his social media? My ex carried out an affair and made great excuses for being elsewhere, once on our anniversary when he was actually with his mistress. Trust your gut, maybe speak to his wife?

[Falling Skys]

No he’s not with her on line, its to do with finances and business that he’s still there.

But maybe I have had it all wrong.

I just felt we had something special, or maybe I was just a project to get independent.

FS 🙁

[diymum@1]

I’m not sure but my gut tells me he might be playing you ? Hate to say that but there are plenty people out there who won’t ghost you xx that to me says he’s kind off cowardly? Xx you deserve more someone with emotional intelligence xx

[HopeLifeJoy]

Yes I’ve got the same feeling here, it just doesn’t sound right, he’s not honest. I would also ask to speak to his wife. She will set you straight once and for all. What if he left her all alone on Christmas day and left her heartbroken? He tells you whatever suits him it seems.
You deserve better, an honest equal transparent relationship.

[Falling Skys]

Thank you ladies, I don’t think I will ever find anyone that will treat me well.

I see my brother and his wife and I want what they have.

FS xx

[KIP.]

Yes you will but you need to give yourself time to recover and get past the vulnerable stage. It’s taken me several years and I’m still not there yet.

[fizzylem]

Whatever he’s doing or not doing you feel he’s dicking you around and that’s not ok for you; I wouldnt text him again. Not telling you he had an op so you wouldnt worry sounds strange. If it doesnt feel right then move on FS, if you want what your brother has then it has to feel right each step of the way, there will be misunderstandings of course – but how these are managed and resolved also shows us if it feels right or not too x

[diymum@1]

There is a chance that he is depressed xx abuse makes us feel unworthy of love but that’s down to programming for years being told were garbage xx so not true so keep reminding yourself you feel like this because of his conditioning (your ex)it’s not the true reality xx 😘

[Falling Skys]

Thank you ladies for the feed back.

Because of my past I don’t have any friends. My ex only let me mix with his friends. So after the decades we were together none of mine are left. So I think I will use this year to make up a new network. Though not sure how. (Any ideas) where I use to go this other man uses them too. May be i should pop into the woman’s group near me and see if they have any ideas?

Join a slimming group last week as I have been comfort eating.

I didn’t know being out would be so hard.

Thank you for your support and find words.

Last thing I need is getting red of an abuser to replace him with another.

FS xx

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