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So after agreeing to meet him last week and he told me that he had to draw a line under things and end it because his ‘counsellor(s)’ told him he had to as I was a trigger for a lot of his anger. I walked away broken hearted and got in my car in tears and drove home. Partly angry that I hadn’t done it first but I still love him very much. I sat there (detail removed by moderator) and said that I just wanted to be happy in life and that I still loved him and cared for him and despite everything I would be willing to try and move forward with a clean slate. He couldn’t do that and just say that he felt the same though and he cast the police up and other things so I left. So after ending things with me he then sends me (detail removed by moderator) messages to my phone and then another the next day to my work like I will react. All about how sorry he is and that he doesn’t want to lose me but there is no alternative etc etc and it’s not him. I don’t rise to any of this although had a very difficult weekend with anxiety and just feeling so sick and knots in my stomach. Then he gets in touch yesterday and asks if there is anything I want to talk to him about or ask him and that he hopes I am well…W*F! Completely messed up and another message to try and hook me back in and I am not strong enough to resist and not respond. I am responding less and less but I just want him to put his arms around me and take away all the pain. It’s so sad.
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He’s really enjoying playing you, isn’t he? What deeply unpleasant behaviour from an adult human being.
No contact has to be the answer here. Not no response, full-on no contact so he can’t even get a message through to you any more. Stay right out of his hook-infested water!
This is messing with your mind and blocking your recovery, darling, and he won’t stop while he’s having fun controlling the situation, so it’s up to you to take control and out a stop to it. You’ll feel so much better.
Flower x
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I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. It does seem like he’s playing games and it is so very cruel of him. I’m the worst person to comment on this really, but I wanted to show my support as I can understand the pain. I have no doubt that Flower is right. It’s so difficult, but these people don’t make sense and will just continue to hurt and abuse.
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After ending it and all his messages he has just messaged me again to say he thought that I would have been in touch and that we could have (detail removed by moderator) Is this just to get me to respond? I don’t think he has any intention of taking me to the concert now and he knows I want to go and always wanted to go with him. It’s crazy after everything he said last Thursday to me. I’ve been strong and not got back to him since that night as he hurt me so much but I want to go to the (detail removed by moderator).
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Don’t respond. You’re doing really well. He is upping his game to get you to break contact. You’re going to open old wounds and he’s going to rip your heart out again and stomp on it. I don’t think he has any intention of taking you to the concert. No doubt he will let you down again like he did before and leave you shattered and in despair. Even if you do go, it’s just an opportunity for him to further abuse you. Please don’t give him that opportunity. This is the game they all play. Stay safe x there will be many more concerts that you can enjoy without paying this price x
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I’m so sorry he is still causing you pain. You have received such good advice, I would definitely block him completely. You do not need these triggers from him in your life, you deserve this time to heal in peace with no disturbance from him. My friend told me that I could love him and leave him. You can love and leave him, too. Just a thought about the concert – if you have the tickets yourself, how about going with a friend rather than him? I realise if it’s his tickets and he has them, this is a terrible idea, but just wanted to throw the suggestion out there in case the tickets belong to you. Just because they were once earmarked for him, doesn’t mean you couldn’t give it to someone else x If not, perhaps you can find something else to do with a friend to help keep your mind off it?
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There is no cycle of abuse here it’s just abuse and cruelty. Where is the hook to keep me dangling…it has gone. There is nothing left now just cruelty and upset. He isn’t even doing nice things to keep me there. What is that all about? Has anyone experienced this. There is no cycle now just pain and hurt.
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