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Hi sparkle wand, I can completely relate. I feel I have voluntarily made my life much more difficult in a practical way by leaving as well as feeling painful loneliness, especially at Xmas. But I have to remind myself that last Xmas and prev ones were much worse and I was desperately unhappy and anxious. And what you are missing isn’t always actually the reality. Keep moving forward, a small step is still a step x
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Yes yes yes. Thank you for posting this. It is exactly how I feel. Like hopeforbetter has said too, I feel like I have voluntarily made my life much harder, not just practically (which I can just about cope with) but emotionally. I miss my old life so much. Although there were hard times, there were also good times. Now everything just feels hard. I really hope it gets better.
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Soconfused2 I’m so pleased other people can relate. It’s so crazy after all the things he’s done & said that I feel like I miss him. I miss the idealised idea of my marriage but also some aspects that were real and we shared, I wish I could switch off my memories of the good times & our plans for the future.
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Hi all.
In my experience, it does get better.
It’s important to allow yourself to grieve properly for everything you have lost. It is then possible to move forward in a positive and pro-active way.
Which parts of your life would you like to change and how will you go about changing them?
It’s a good idea to build from the roots up and be prepared for the long haul. As long as you feel that you are making progress towards the final aim, the long haul is fine, more than fine tbh because without a destructive partner, every tiny step feels like a celebration.
Take it at your own pace and try to look forwards to achieving the life you want.
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I’m struggling because I can’t let him back in even though sometimes I feel like I want to I know it’s wrong he has got another wife in another country and been living a double life .my heart aches for the good moments and we have kids together all I keep thinking is how could he have done this to our family every part of me was for his benefit he never really loved me
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I think this is extremely common. We become addicted to the highs in the relationship and crave them. In abusive relationships the trauma bonds are very strong. They keep us in the relationships, and then mean we go back time and again after leaving. It’s very hard.
My ex was awful and I felt lucky to survive when I got out, but I still went back and back and now, a long while later, I still have periods of missing him.
The key is time and distance. No contact. Every bit of contact triggers the emotions. It’s a long process. Good luck. -
Marmalade thank you for your response, I know what you mean about the addiction & trauma bonds. It really does mess with your head. I know I’m grieving my marriage & what I hoped it would be, I’m also grieving what we had at times & the loss of our future. It wasn’t all bad & that’s what makes it hurt & caused me conflicted feelings. When I miss him & our life/relationship it causes me to doubt some of the crazy stuff that happened & his abusive behaviour. I sometimes feel like I’ll never get I’ve this betrayal as I’ve been so badly hurt by the person I trusted most in the world. Even now it can feel surreal like I’m in a nightmare & this isn’t my life 😢
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