Missing him so much…

[RainbowsandSunshine]

I know I shouldn’t but I’m missing my ex partner so much and it’s crazy. I only saw him this week and that was a horrible experience! I feel so confused. I’m in a new area, my children are happy where we are but I feel broken. I do anything to return. Which is probably the craziest part.

[KIP.]

Try to remind yourself it’s not him you miss, it’s the fake him who wore a mask to abuse you. Contact is toxic for us. Can you use a third party for handover soyou have no contact. Try to think rationally if you returned. Nothing will have changed. If anything the abuse always gets worse. Breaking away is like breaking a drug habit. It will get easier if you can know that time and zero contact will eventually bring relief for you. The fog will lift.

[RainbowsandSunshine]

Thanks, at the moment and for the foreseeable my ex isn’t allowed any kind of contact. I saw him in a meeting that had to happen to move the nasty situation forward.
I worry because he still has so much power over me and I know all I have to do is to see him and I become that quivering wreck all over again. I don’t think it’s love that I feel for him or if it’s because I’m just so terrified of the control he still has over me?
Thank you x

[KIP.]

Google trauma bonding. Next meeting insist on a screen between you both. Or Skype. You have the right not to be anywhere near him if he’s putting you in a state of fear. Stick to your guns x

[Cheesestring]

Hi rainbowsandsunshine,

I think having contact makes it so much harder. I saw my ex on Tuesday, and we actually had a lovely evening. Now I’m questioning everything and miss him so much. I think it gets to a point where the only person who can make us feel better is the person who has caused us so much pain – trauma bonding. So to see them is like briefly filling in that hole again, even though we know the majority of the time it is not nice and it is abusive. So difficult. But limiting contact as much as possible will hopefully help xx

[RainbowsandSunshine]

Thank you, I’ll do just that. I know my friends used to tell me I had Stockholm syndrome when it came down to my ex partner. It would be so helpful if we could just flip that switch and not be in love with the person we first met. The person we hoped would come back to us and we could live like any other normal family does.
Thank you for your advice x*x

[Fergie]

Wow. Again you guys are thinking and feeling the same thoughts that I am. The trauma bonding stuff is really insightful. Rainbows and sunshine. You loved, that’s because you are a good person.You loved in good faith. If only there was a answer other than time. But time will make it better,

[Author]

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