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So yeah just curious because I’ll hold my hands up this is crazy town number 2 for me. Hard not to really kick myself now, and also I’ve been getting some weird loving feelings about the other guy recently. Which I never had ever until the end of this latest disaster.
Thought it would be a good thread to start. -
I’ve had more than one yea 3rd time lucky 🍀 I hope next time though.i don’t feel nothing for any of them any more the first one is anger more because he still harasses me to this day after many years the second I actually sometimes feel sorry for him I don’t believe he knows what he’s doing all the time but I do believe he must know sometimes what he does is wrong but he’s a compulsive liar
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First one it’s right I was angry, then it turned disappointment, then pitty. He can’t hardly looks me in the eye now and that’s how it should be. He knows. Over the last few weeks I have dropped my guard and given him an inch whereas I totally force fielded myself for several years. He lost all control I took it all. I don’t know what’s happened now I think because I was low after this all came to a head with the second guy I was like just be good to me and he has been alright to be fair but I know I need to be careful he will take a mile and be vile anytime he pleases I know him. I need to get my guard back up.
So yeah the second farce has been rough, harder to come to terms with definitely, I didn’t see it coming. He knew I’d been through an awful lot for one woman the way my past relationship was is only the tip of the iceberg. I guess I made the classic mistake of over sharing my woes only for them to be used as weapons to break me down.
It took a lot for me to let anyone in. I made myself vulnerable because that’s what you have to do in the quest for love and understanding but in the end I was vulnerable to nothing but abuse. I was desperate to not be in a toxic relationship again I ran myself into the ground, became a doormat and lived on crumbs. I’ve done well to be of survived. It’s totally messed me up though. I think this time is worse. It’s more mental and emotional abuse this time and I think the affects will be harder to shake off x -
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Also Mellow I understand about the continuation of abuse long after you leave. I had that for years and years hence why in the end I went totally no contact, blocked, he couldn’t see me, talk to me, reach my phone, come to my house, I dropped our kid off and stayed in the car, I used a family member to get them dropped back to…. Literally didn’t give him an opportunity to get to me. I went off and lived. He was furious for a while. This was after (detail removed by Moderator) getting everyone under the sun on my back which was an extension of abuse that wasn’t recognised. It nearly broke me. But I rose up higher than I’d ever been eventually.
Enter guy number 2. He was in awe to start I genuinely believe that much… maybe it was their own insecurity and twisted way of feeling the most powerful… It was a very very gradual and sly approach. Obviously if I’d of got a whiff of how things were to go at the start I’d of been off like a shot… there was a solid year before things slyly started getting abusive. I was so confused it took me another year to cop on and another one to try to stop it. I burnt out, literally my light went out. Then I was abused for not shining anymore.
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Yes, once we’ve been open to one (or we grew up with it and left us susceptible) we’re open to more (it’s like they know) if we’ve not fully healed or learned their tactics it does leave us open again, but my upbringing was abusive 1st and 2nd long term partner too, toxic friendships, then more random abusers (over familiar acquaintances taking advantage while really drunk) the last one wasn’t great either, but I’m working on my boundaries now and cos of freedom course I know the signs and I’m not ignoring my intuition either like I did in the past, if you know what you want and what you deserve and don’t deserve it’s half the battle but my level of self esteem was atrociously low, not now though better now, cool post 👍🏻 💜💞
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Got to hold my hands up this time. I knew the warning signs. Huge red flags, not perhaps regarding an abusive past but huge mental health issues, many broken relationships and chaos and drama. What really annoys me is that a mental health professional we both know professionally asked me to talk to him. Now thinking that’s not her place to do that. I think our natural kindness and wanting to help comes in, plus there’s a people pleasing side that I need to get sorted. Now I’m trying to untangle myself safely from this which is proving more difficult. I can walk away easily but my conscience is telling me to tread gently. Then I’ve got to think about this mental health professional too who I think he’s told 🙈 what a mess x
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I’ve been in more than one abusive relationship also! After I got out of my most recent one I started to question “is it me??” Like what’s wrong with me that it’s happened with 2 different men? It didn’t help that my ex partner would always throw it in my face as well, every time he was having one of his tantrums screaming and shouting and calling me names he would ALWAYS say no wonder your ex used to hit you as well. Makes you actually think it is your fault 🙁
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Yup, I’m in this club, sadly. First one was over a decade ago – the stress of it caused my hair to fall out, ribs sticking out through stress weight loss etc. it took me about 4 or 5 years to come to terms with what happened. Then fast forward a few years and there I was getting into a new relationship with my “dream man” thinking how lucky I was to have such a good guy . I told him about my past abusive relationship and he said he’d never treat me like that…..I’m free now and caught in a cycle of being very lonely but feeling like I cant trust a man again… I think I need to do some work on why I’m attracted to that sort of person
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