Most days I have no concept of me

[Sunflowersunshine]

I’ve been having a few nightmares recently. Where people I love and who are soft and kind and gentle with me, were abrasive and aggressive. And my ex was just there. He keeps just being there. I admit he seems really handsome and nice in my dreams. But he’s just there. In all of them. I can’t shake this shadow of him. I got out quick and with no contact and I’m regaining emotions. I don’t feel so numb and nothingness, the emotions are often too intense and I can’t cope well with them. I have no sense of myself though. I know how to be support and the best of myself for other people. I don’t know how to lend myself that same grace, effort and compassion. I start, I learn or try something new and to continue just overwhelms and exhausts me, just as much as not completing a project does too.

This reckless limbo is slowly killing me. I want to feel better, be better. I want to feel and be normal. I’m so tired of being broken and feeling useless.

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel… Sunflowersunshine (great name)
I 100% get the speed at which you are wanting to correct everything so to move on and it is so great that you are trying to and not just staying stuck
However instead of trying to be this and that, how about just trying to be!
Give yourself some space and time to actually listen to your heart and what it is telling you and what it is asking from you
Maybe she just wants you to notice her and sit quietly with her
Its a long journey after abuse and somethings move faster and slot into place quicker than others
Start some affirmations going like ‘I am safe and protected’ to reassure you before bedtime and put a lovely calming bedtime routine in place
Only you can truly interpret the dreams you are having, try writing them down and unraveling what they really mean and address the fears that come up in them
It wont be easy but as I always say, you have to feel to heal
Sit with the pain and the hurt and let it feel uncomfortable and then let it go
We have to move through things to get to the other side and clear space for new things to come in
Unless you put some grounding techniques in place this will keep happening, it is so important to know how to centre yourself and your thoughts
This wont all happen overnight it is a daily practice of reinforcing the positives over and over, but it can be done … and I believe you can do it angel
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

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