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It is breaking my heart that my mother is so determined to keep me in this marriage.
She is (detail removed by Moderator) now , for example (detail removed by Moderator) , she knew (detail removed by Moderator) made it very tough to leave.
So she wants to get me one but had asked my husband first so we can decide together or hoped he would surprise me with it , even though she knows I want to leave , having him involved gives him some ownership of it in a way.
It’s all financial reasons or maybe just to hurt me ,I am so controlled , I’m in my (detail removed by Moderator) and I still don’t know how to be Independent of my parents, they had a successful buisness & have always given me money which I guess I sound spoilt but I feel it has just been a way to control me.
Every time I try and be independent my mum & my husband get me so down I fail at what ever I try.My mum insists on doing my buisness accounts and even does my accounts paper work behind my back.Then tells me how much it’s failing
I’m (detail removed by Moderator) I guess you can trust animals.Just a bad day
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Hello Wanttoleave
I am sorry for the (detail removed by Moderator).
Its the easy part isn’t it, getting all the paperwork accounts back for you only, or locking her out of the accounts data on a computer, but the hard part is dealing with her fury I suppose? …but thats too bad, and she’ll just have to deal with herself.
These are your accounts and your business so lock her out; and make it clear you don’t want a ‘replacement’ (detail removed by Moderator). Say it in front of other people so they hear you and witness your wishes, do this for the accounts also so that people, others, can hear your voice, its powerful and needs using.
It is exhausting, so very exhausting, and just maybe seizing back the control won’t actually be exhausting, but freeing?
As for your husband, if he’s abusing you he can be excluded from your home via an occupation order, and non-molestation order, if you are prepared to apply to court and provide statements of the behaviour he uses to control you.
Please do keep posting though and getting all the support you can to grow the strength of your own voice and prioritise your needs to live your life.
warmest wishes
ts
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No good mum in her right mind would want her child to stay in an abusive marriage (that’s just wrong) you could see it as a challenge or adventure having a new start without their financial help, does she know the extent of his abuse (if so I’d consider walking away from her also) are there elements of her that are similar behaviours from your husband, (it’s just I noticed in the past my ex partners have mirrored either one of my parents behaviour) so there could be more than one abuser in your life?????
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Sorry for late reply I do so appreciate this, yes i definitely do it’s been a very sad realisation.
It’s hard also as my sister and her are so close it makes me feel I am crazy.
My mum is the opposite of a feminist, it’s very confusing.
Her father was quite nasty with her , I think controlling to her mum I don’t know to what extent.A close relative has left her alcoholic husband last week, all my mum said was how sorry she felt for her husband being all alone!
She seems to put men above women completely.
She is older now I dont want to judge I love her so much but she is still sending letters on my behalf I believe.
I am scared to tackle it as my father will back her and it will be terrible arguments.
Not physical just arguing.I am struggling to afford an accountant hence why my mum is making me use hers.
The financial climate makes you feel more trapped than ever!
Thank you for your supportive words.
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